Do people truly resent going to weddings now ?

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Kitty-Gecko@reddit

As an introvert with social anxiety and face blindness, I find it depends on the wedding.

Things I like:

The romance Seeing people I care about happy Good food Wedding favours Getting dressed up Seeing people I know really well (well enough to recognise despite face blindness) An excuse to go for a weekend away in a nice hotel

things I don't like:

Small talk with people I don't know well Worrying I will offend people by not recognising them Worrying that the only vegetarian option will be something I don't like Dancing Religion

The good has to outweigh the bad for it to be enjoyable.

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lakelady_198@reddit

The vegetarian option anxiety is so real, and having to pounce on any vegetarian canapés because you’re hungry, they’re scare, and other people want to eat them!!

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lakelady_198@reddit

Weddings can be so expensive when you’re single- no shared hotel/travel/gift costs etc. And they can feel lonely when you’re not invited with a plus one (which I understand isn’t affordable or what a lot of couples want). You’re often seated with people you don’t know very well or at all, and while I’m good at making small talk for hours, I come away exhausted. But it’s also depressing when you’re the extra one at a table full of couples. When I’ve been at weddings with a group of friends and we’ve sat together it’s been the most fun. Honestly though, I’m in my late 30s and have been to over 20 weddings by now, so am a bit wedding-ed out! I hope you have a good one and you can’t please everyone!

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BumbleLizzieB@reddit

I love weddings. What I hate is everything around them now costing an absolute fortune.

First there’s the three day stag do that somehow costs the best part of £300. Then the hen do costs the same. Meanwhile, if you’ve got tiny kids, your partner is left solo parenting all weekend while you’re away.

Then the actual wedding is lovely, but it’s child free, so now you’ve got to sort childcare for another whole weekend because they decided to get married in the arse end of Wales. Or worse, it’s on a Thursday, so now you’re using annual leave for somebody else’s wedding.

By the time you’ve paid for accommodation, travel, outfits, childcare, then handed over cash because “we only want money instead of gifts”, you’re easily another £300 down.

Edit to add - obviously I understand that weddings are for the couple, not me, and if they want to hold a wedding reception in a barn next to a stone circle off the B58493, they should

Actually, the ceremony is for the couple but the reception is supposed to be for the guests. That's where the name comes from, its where you receive your guests and provide them with hospitality as a thank you for attending the ceremony!

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but most of the extroverts have plans to go play outside today.

I went out, then got way too hot and came home instead of going to a packed pub to watch the football

So maybe there'll be a few other ginger extroverts on here

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callisstaa@reddit

most of the extroverts have plans to go play outside today.

Both of them?

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The-Fifth-Elephant@reddit

Your first sentence is the answer to 90% of the questions I see posted on this sub.

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Yep.

Now i go to one wedding every couple of years they've become really fun again.

When i had 8 in a year to try to arrange a rota around - they were still fun, but not as easy to enjoy/ even attend

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Serious_Escape_5438@reddit

The people who bother to write about anything are normally the people who want to moan. If I see a post asking if anyone else agrees weddings are awful I'd probably just scroll past because I don't think so but don't care enough to defend them.

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DilapidatedVessel@reddit

I think as well it's that alot of things people could afford 10-15 years ago have all risen quite drastically in price, so even if they like the people involved in a wedding it's a bunch of potential extra expenses to worry about - hotel/budget for food & drinks at the venue/outfits etc

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Available-Bison-9222@reddit

The recent trend of "destination"weddings make them very expensive for guests. By destination, I mean weddings far away from their home place so every guest has to pay for accommodation. I was at a wedding a couple of years ago where the bride and groom were from Cork city and they decided to have the wedding in Connemara.

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TriggersShip@reddit

People say stuff, moan about stuff, laugh about stuff without it intentionally anything meaningful about it. They have been invited to a wedding by a diva who’s making it more about an expensive event than a wedding and complained about it. They then went and had fun and never thought any more about it.

Journalists and wannabe social commentators make more of it than it is and all of a sudden it’s become a thing. Two years down the line it’ll be nothing but a footnote to someone’s memory.

When I was a kid there was a craze for having pet rocks. I wish I was making this up but I’m not.

People will get married. Some will take the piss out their expectations of guests. Some guests will chunter about it to their mates. Some on social media. This will happen every year of your life going forward.

If you weren’t getting married you probably wouldn’t have noticed.

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toastandjam97@reddit (OP)

This is a good take ! I think because I am someone who doesn’t have looooads of spare cash and I know how tight things are for people what could be a passing comment about ooh god we’ve got 3 weddings to attend this year they’re so expensive etc. I may perceive as like ‘oh fuck I’m putting everyone out by getting married’ 😭

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WildWanderingRedHead@reddit

I agree. The poorest person should be able to attend the wedding of people they love, with no pressure or stress. Irish weddings are the worst for cost in my opinion...its def fueled by consumerism more than anything else... if they make it a societal expectation to give money, to have this, to wear that then everyone has to toe the line and a lot of people make a lot of money off that wedding in the wider scheme of things.

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EhDinnaeEvenKen@reddit

Best and 'funnest' wedding I ever went to was 10 of us dressed tidy and crammed into a registrars office for a hand fasting, then 100+ in casual clothes went to the pub function suite afterwards for a big party with an Indian buffet.

Worst I ever went to was a big "make the bride feel like a princess" all-day event with 3 gourmet meals, 3 posh venues, and 3 costume changes.

I can tell you right now which kind of wedding I'd openly bitch and moan about having to attend again.

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Sad-Nectarine-7855@reddit

I feel this in my bones after someone said it was strange I got invited back to someone's house after meeting them at the pub.

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mandyhtarget1985@reddit

When people work hard in stressful jobs all week, then have to spend all weekend at a hen or stag, and then multi-day weddings, all of a sudden its monday again and you are exhausted and you feel you haven’t had a break. Bring back a friday night hen party where you go to a restaurant, then a bar/club and have a great night with the girls, then have the rest of the weekend to relax. Same with the wedding day. A one day affair without the added expense of hotel stays.

I love a good wedding, its a great day to catch up with relatives and celebrate the couple, but there is really no need for it to be an all consuming event

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abitofasitdown@reddit

Best stag-and-hen combined I ever did was Tank Paintball. Didn't even need to arrange an outfit as the company supplied the overalls, it was a daytrip so no hotel cost, and the event itself was surprisingly reasonably-priced.

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Tagin42@reddit

For me, I hate weddings. Expensive, boring (especially if in some kind of a church), and a complete waste of my time. I never enjoy them and leave as soon as I can.

But, went to a wedding last month, my niece, and it was really good. So well organised it was like finding myself in the middle of a rom com and this was the ending.

So, not all the same.

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Well yeah, I wouldn't either, hence why I had a small cheap wedding. But if someone DOES choose to have a really expensive-to-attend wedding then it's on them if some of the people they invite can't go. I would be disappointed if I wasn't able to attend because of finances, but I certainly wouldn't go anyway and then resent or be annoyed about going as is described in your post.

Though I think judging by the other comments and downvotes I've received this is another one of those situations that happen all too often where I'm just failing to grasp something that's a common social experience for some reason

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Temporary-Bowl4872@reddit

I imagine for some people 'disappointed I wasn't able to attend because of finances' can really easily turn into 'i resent the fact they chose to make it cost so much in the first place'

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decobelle@reddit

Yeah I felt the same way. When we got married it was really important to me that we tried to make it as easy for guests as possible, even if that meant saving longer and spending more.

We chose a venue with on-site accommodation and cafe, and had an open bar.

We paid for our bridesmaids dresses, hair, makeup, jewelry, and bags. I also chose really comfortable flat shoes for them in a a style I knew they would wear again (it was my sister's and my best friend so I knew their style well).

People could bring children and plus ones and we thought carefully about putting people at tables where they knew people or would likely get along if they didn't know anyone. (I've seen some weddings where they intentionally try to break up friend groups to encourage mingling but I never liked that idea personally).

We chose a bank holiday weekend on a Saturday so not many people would need to take time off work (some travelled in the morning, some chose to stay in the on-site accomodation the night before and travelled after work on the Friday).

If friends helped us out in any way we paid for their accomodations the night of the wedding too. For example one friend was the celebrant and another filmed the ceremony and speeches for us so we paid for theirs as a thank you.

We had a wedding website that people could RSVP on and send in dietary requirements and we made sure these were catered for. We also chose simple tasty food with decent portions (pies!) rather than smaller fancier meals.

And on the day we made sure there were lots of activities available for any waiting times. Lawn games, a football to kick about on the grass, and a photo booth for example. There was also a playground on site a short walk away from the main wedding bit for kids if parents wanted to take them somewhere.

We chose a really friendly photographer who didn't want to spend ages posing people and captured things without being intrusive, which made people feel comfortable and tried to keep group photo time short.

We put our focus into things that would make the day enjoyable for others rather than things like decorations.

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william_h_bonney_@reddit

The hen do abroad is an invite to go on holiday for a long weekend at your own expense.

Yeah definitely. Hen weekend abroad, then home hen and a rural location not local to the couples friends and family is normal.

Socials have played a part in this as brides are posting every detail of venue ideas, colours, wedding bands, gift lists etc. We are seeing all this regularly from friends of friends and work colleagues. It puts pressure on to keep up with The Jones’.

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Thomasinarina@reddit

THREE HEN DOs? That is mad. If I ever get married I barely want one.

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meower_to_the_people@reddit

Yep. I know someone (who thankfully I'm not close enough with to have received an invite) who had 2 engagement parties, 2 hen parties in the UK, another hen party abroad before the ceremonial (but not official) wedding at the same abroad location, the actual legal wedding back in the UK but at a destination which needed people to stay over, and then another wedding party back home.

Bridesmaids and close friends were expected to attend all of these, and cover all their own costs for travel and accommodation...

I don't resent it but we spent about 1500-1700 between wedding and hen do for the last one. It was an old friend so I was happy to do it but it is a lot of money, definitely not doing it for anyone else.

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Spicyhambina@reddit

So many people don’t consider their guests comfort and enjoyment when planning their weddings, there’s an element of ‘it’s our day so why should we’ which I just think is mad. We’re having a small (38 people) wedding in London this year, single friends have been offered a plus one so they are more comfortable and all coupled guests partners have been invited even if we haven’t met them. There will be plenty of food & a free bar -we aren’t accepting gifts & there is no dress code for anyone. It’s still going to cost some friends/family coming from the north quite a bit to join us. I can’t understand why people make it even more expensive for their guests with all the extras. There absolutely won’t be an overseas hen etc either. Marriage is a huge deal but weddings really are just a party, I can’t understand how it’s all gotten so out of hand.

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Beneficial_Hat_2460@reddit

in the next decade, it's likely we will hit a point of 60% of marriages failing, if not more. Marriage isn't really something to 'celebrate' any more. A legal contract of partnership isn't a celebration anymore. It's something that doesn't hold ethical value in a majority of the western world, is patriarchal and misogynistic at it's core.

Would rather celebrate someone paying off their mortgage, having a post birth baby shower to celebrate the Mum and support her in how well she is doing, or someone getting a really good job.

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IcedEarthUK@reddit

I tallied it up the other week during a conversation with a friend and I/we (me and the wife) have spent £17k on other people's weddings and stag/hen do's. We've been to America, Croatia, Scotland, Italy and other places for weddings and other similar international places for stag/hen parties (typically Ireland, Amsterdam or Vegas).

I don't regret any of them, had a lot of fun, built some forever memories with family and friends etc but I am definitely fatigued by it and now that I've got kids, whilst I'm fortunate to be able to afford that expense all over again I would not. I'd rather spend it on experiences for my children instead.

Honestly, I swear people on here complain about ‘having’ to go to these things, and will then complain about it as if they don’t have a choice. We had a couple of people reject our Wedding invites because they were busy or whatever, we genuinely didn’t care and then just invited other people who were next down the list who would’ve made the cut in the first place, but couldn’t because of our 80 person guest limit on the day.

Basically, the bride and groom aren’t going to take a personal affront to a mate not turning up to their wedding, and it’d be more of a family politics issue if you were the brides direct relative like a parent or sibling.

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OkConsideration5272@reddit

Don't understand why you're getting downvoted. I wish people would just be able to say, "sorry, can't afford it" to their friends.

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ImABrickwallAMA@reddit

It baffles me, it’s just because people on here like to moan and whinge about Weddings/Hens/Stags even though they can literally just say “No sorry [insert reason]” like you said.

I invited about 20 to my stag abroad, 12 made it, the 8 who couldn’t come either couldn’t because of money or because of work/life considerations since a few of them were military, and therefore on deployments/posted. My response? “Yeah, sound, don’t worry about it.”

UK Redditors in particular are just perpetually in a bucket of crabs and don’t like seeing other people doing things they can’t/won’t do.

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TJTheree@reddit

I have been heavily downvoted for suggesting that people should either enjoy the time going to someone’s wedding, or not go. You’d think it be common sense but they’d rather just piss and moan about “having” to go to someone’s wedding lol. I’d rather people didn’t come to my wedding than jump online to complain about it lol

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ImABrickwallAMA@reddit

Hundred percent. I don’t think these people even realise how much of a nice thing it is to be invited to a wedding as well. When someone is willing to spend £80-£100 on you to be a guest for a day (which is easily what is can be per person for the whole dinner/canapés/drinks thing), it shows that you must have an impact on their life in such a way.

Getting dressed up to have a party with friends and family? 100%

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kaja6583@reddit

Not the og commenter, but me -yes, actually. I love weddings, because I dont go to weddings of the people I dont love, and where I know i wont have a good time with my partner lol.

My view would have been the same as yours. That's just not something we're spending a tonne of money on, consuming a load of annual leave on or taking our kids out of school over all for a really crap someone-else-centric-crap-excuse-for-a-holiday, and for exactly the same reasons I wouldn't entertain going away for a week. I wouldn't enjoy it whilst there alone either, because I'd rather be with my wife and daughters.

Good riddance.

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Nice_Back_9977@reddit

Well see, lots of wedding ceremonies start at about 1pm or earlier, so to get there in plenty time with getting ready beforehand and travel etc. you can have a slightly later breakfast, but lunch isn't really an option. The wedding breakfast is often not till 5pm, so the idea that a few tiny bites would stop guests being hungry in that time is a bit funny really!

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SpeedConstant109@reddit

I don't have any religious friends, so I'm unlikely to ever have to go to a christening. I only go to funerals out of a sense of social duty. I have told my family that I don't want a funeral ceremony when I die.

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toastandjam97@reddit (OP)

I’ll make sure I put out colouring books for all the ‘bored ‘ adults then for the 30 min wedding ceremony 😭

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spirit-animal-snoopy@reddit

There is an obvious link between those of us who don't go to weddings, christenings or funerals. We are not religious in the slightest , not socially conditioned, and not hypocrites.

We still wish people the best with such things that are important to them.

It's not one or the other and it's really not that complicated.

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CrossCityLine@reddit

Have done, and would do again. Not because they’re boring though (though they are).

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tiorzol@reddit

Just be fucking bored and be there for your mates surely.

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Gibber_jab@reddit

Right. Such a Reddit response, I’m bored I won’t do something that mildly inconveniences me even for someone else

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Powerful_Set_2350@reddit

Isn't that such a non-reddit response?

BeingOtherwise7829@reddit

As someone who's only been invited to two weddings as an adult and having just two decent mates... No.

But I see some of the weddings that people have to go to with insanely elaborate and expensive hen/stag do's, having to pay out for so much stuff and at my wedding it was nothing like that. Very minimal.

I see others from my school year group having like 8 bridesmaids and it's like how do you even have the time to be mates with that many people?

I dunno I think the whole wedding thing has got out of hand, my own ended up way bigger and more expensive than I ever wanted because of my husband's complicated family... it's hard to please people.

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OkConsideration5272@reddit

There really are a million other things I'd rather do with my free time. If there's a great disco then that's different, but as my music taste is more alternative that's rarely the case.

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wolfhoff@reddit

Really depends on the wedding. If the wedding does not have a free bar / food then I am not going. Or if it has a long ass religious ceremony.

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Certain-End-7309@reddit

I love weddings, I love everyone getting together to celebrate love and happiness. To me it's nothing but joy. I love the speeches, the food, the chatting, the dancing, seeing my friends happy and just everything about it. I've never heard any of my friends moan about going to weddings either.

My best friends got married in different parts of the country with post and pre wedding events so there was cost involved in staying there for the weekend, but the actual events weren't expensive and the hen parties weren't expensive either.

T4rch@reddit

I never have this issue as I don't have any mates so never get invited, FREEEEDOMMMM

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imfinewithastraw@reddit

Going to weddings feels like it’s a big thing for about 5 years of your life and then that’s it! In my late 20s - mid 30s there were years I had 5 or 6. And yes it’s expensive, what you get as a guest varied (from full open bar to only wine with diner), travel costs varied, gifts varied. It’s all consuming and then suddenly you’ll realise you haven’t been to a wedding for years. I wonder if there’ll be an another influx when we get to second marriages in a mother few years!

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Penderyn@reddit

Tbh I don't mind the wedding of a close friend or whatever but I don't want to go to one of someone I don't know too well and make small talk all day

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trainpk85@reddit

The last wedding I went to was in 2022 and it probably cost £800 all in. £240 for the room and we didn’t get a posh one. But it was at a wedding venue which all seem to have expensive rooms. £100 for the present. £200 for his suit (just M&S) and £80 for a dress for me. Another £60 for my daughter’s outfit. £200 (probably more) to drink at the expensive venue from midday till midnight.

My daughter was invited but the family rooms were in the region of £500 so I had to get my mum to drive a 60 mile round trip at 9pm to come get her.

I don’t regret going and it was my friends who were married and I’d go again but it’s just really expensive. I’d be excited about a wedding in the town centre where I could get a taxi home for £20 but the venues are all miles away these days.

I only resent it if it's a relative who is being a bridezilla, and being a bridesmaid can be a bit tough at times.

But if you're just invited as a regular guest then it's a fun day or evening out and a nice celebration.

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Wolfdreama@reddit

No?? I love a wedding. I'm going to one next week!

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kcajjones86@reddit

I don't earn as much as a lot of my friends so I couldn't justify a lot of the weddings I've been to on a financial basis. That's not what makes me not want to go. I just don't like weddings very much. I don't drink, I am socially awkward and have to really be "in the mood" to talk to people. Not only this but they just go on too long. I can exercise all day long but social gatherings I can only do in small amounts.

Yes, I know I'm weird, maybe autistic, maybe bipolar.

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BreqsCousin@reddit

I love a wedding. I like to dress up and see people and dance to a cheesy disco.

spirit-animal-snoopy@reddit

But it is mine. But my ego doesn't think my personal experience is the one true way.

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BreqsCousin@reddit

Feeling a bit dramatic this morning are you?

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spirit-animal-snoopy@reddit

So sorry someone having a different, polite view to you and not dictating to others that their own anecdotes apply to everyone, is somehow "dramatic" .

This is the net. Taking anything so personally on the net is ridiculous. And against posting rules .

Chill out bridezilla 🤣

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AskUK-ModTeam@reddit

Don't be a dick to each other, or other subreddits, places, or people.

Don't be a dick to each other, or other subreddits, places, or people. AskUK contains a variety of ages, experiences, and backgrounds - consider not everyone is operating on the same level or background as you. Listen to others before you respond, and be courteous when doing so.

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yerdadsbestfriend@reddit

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toastandjam97@reddit (OP)

I do not say in the original post ‘I think most people hate weddings’ 😭😅

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You can do that without the actual wedding part.

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buttpugggs@reddit

You regularly get all yours and your partners friends from every different area of your life together for a big party?

One of the special things particular to a wedding is that almost totality of everyone you know best being there at once.

Only other time this happens is your funeral and you don't get to experience that in the same way lol

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BreqsCousin@reddit

Weddings are one of the times that people pay to put on that kind of a do

I also enjoy a big birthday and an anniversary.

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DameKumquat@reddit

It's also a party that your friends and family make an effort to come to.

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Prudent-Pressure2146@reddit

Sure, but the wedding bit is nice as well imo

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Probably depends whether there’s a lot of weddings all going on around the same time as to whether it becomes financially challenging to attend them all and their surrounding events. Personally I really love a wedding. I have only attended around 6 in the last 10 years (including my own! which was local to us but had quite a few international guests who were all able to attend) and have never been invited to anything that’s been overly expensive to attend. I’d love to attend a destination wedding/hen as I love to travel and don’t struggle with money but can see how it would get a bit much if you’re invited to more than one, or if you’re in a tight financial situation.

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Lufc87@reddit

I went to a good friend's (groom) wedding last year and in the initial planning stage, the bride, after seeing shite online, decided she wanted a dress code.

She wanted everyone (all guests not just bridal party) in the same colour, or close enough, and certain styles of suits and dresses etc..

The groom conveyed there wasn't a chance in hell his brothers and friends would adhere to this and some would likely take the piss.

Thankfully she saw the light and I think actually reined in some other plans and their wedding was a fantastic day.

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Ellajt@reddit

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Spottyjamie@reddit

I think people now are cutting back on big spends. So a big wedding with a dress code, no kids allowed after 7pm, several hundred miles away is a lot of faff&expense people begrudge partaking in

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Tattyead@reddit

Yeah, even the not so frivolous, but not down the road sort of thing is going to rinse you.

When I was a kid people generally lived quite locally to their friends and relatives. Weddings would be in a local church or registry office. The reception would be in a local social club. Usually all walkable. People would often go home between the ceremony and evening do to get changed. Then come back and boogie to Dave’s mobile disco

Now communities are atomised- people go away to college and don’t return to their home towns, people move away for work or retire in the countryside and emigrate.

Plus the whole wedding market has been commercialised - since a change in the law in the 90’s - you can now get married in fancy hotels, special wedding venues - where you’re a captive market getting screwed for a tenner a pint and G&T’s that require a second mortgage. There’s the hotel stays, new clothes, hair, wedding present etc. Often it means you’re in the hole for £300-£600 to celebrate the wedding of someone you’re kinda friendly with but don’t know all that well. Add the stag/hen do onto that and someone else’s celebration can end up costing the best part of a grand. And that’s staying in the UK. Things are tight at the moment, even for people with reasonable incomes.

So when the invite comes through and I think ‘Oh shit, not another one!’ It’s not being curmudgeonly. I’ve got three kids - there’s lots of other things I could use that money for.

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Sad-Highway-43@reddit

It's the stag and hen dos for me. In reason years it's become a weekend thing now with airbnbs and multiple organised activities. It's used to be a night out with maybe a train journey and night in a travel lodge thrown in. I was shocked to be invited to one recently where they were 'keeping the price reasonable' for everyone and then asked for £400 per person with drinks still to be paid for on one of the nights.

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GodOfThunder888@reddit

This is it for me. What has happened to modest weddings? Family member is going to marry next hear and already dreading the hen doo. Probably somewhere like Benidorm or Amsterdam. Like, I don't want to spend that kind of money on a holiday where I need go pamper someone else. I'm normally quite generous at weddings but I cut down if there is too much faff around it

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Spottyjamie@reddit

A welcome drink and table wine is the norm for day guests

But nah its very very rare uk weddings have open bars

Spottyjamie@reddit

Thats defo a fantastic point!!! The weddings ive been to post-covid felt like they were stricter for a facade/persona compared to “hire a suit from greenwoods”

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buttpugggs@reddit

We've got our wedding coming up at the end of June and I feel like we're the opposite of all that. Basically told people that all they have to do is turn up on time and wear what they want as long as they don't look like they've been dragged backwards through a hedge. Also, the only things they have to pay for are accom if they want to stay and drinks beyond all the wine we're providing.

That said, we probably will tell people on the day not to post any pictures of the wedding on socials until my partner has. I don't think it's wanting a curated image, more just being excited to be the one who shares the pictures first?

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orange_lighthouse@reddit

Destination weddings too, ugh. No thanks.

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AgentSufficient1047@reddit

It costs a week's wages

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Wonderful_Falcon_318@reddit

After 30 weddings they start getting boring.

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alillypie@reddit

I think a lot of weddings become huge events and they become about all those other things rather than the wedding itself. For example - Stag/hen needs to be an event. Some people go on holidays for that. Why do you expect all of those outsiders to your wedding to use their precious vacation days to go on holiday with you. Another example is - You have groomsmen and bridesmaids dresses fittings as everyone needs to match. This is asking too much effort from the outsiders to the weeding with fittings coordination etc.

Honest-Possible6596@reddit

I was more than happy to turn up and take whatever pictures were asked of me. It’s all money in the pocket at the end of the day, and being self employed that’s what I needed. But I’d rarely suggest anything extra. In fact, the reason I stopped last year was exactly because of what I said above, and I started hating the job. Stupidly long days, more and more elaborately dumb shoots, the competitiveness, on and on. And the worst part, although perhaps not the most shocking, is the bigger and more dramatic the wedding, the worse the client was, almost every single time. The way some bride and grooms would speak to staff and contractors just wasn’t worth the payday. Especially when I find it really hard to hold my tongue back. And it’s not even like half of them were ‘money’, where you might expect a shitty attitude. Most of them were up to their eyes in debt putting on the show for their friends and followers.

You did right to find a non-pushy tog. They’re getting rare.

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Pyjama365@reddit

That genuinely sounds horrible. I think you can tell a whole lot by how someone talks to 'the staff'.

My good friends who I adore, who just want to share their joy? I'm delighted to attend. Especially if it's within 30 miles OR it's in a place I can get to by train, and stay reasonably cheaply at a place of my choice to suit my budget at the time.

Travelodge for £160 for 2 nights (split between 2 of us), in a large city where I can do tourist stuff on Friday afternoon and Sunday morning before heading home? That's a fantastic weekend, thank you for letting me be a part of it.

People who seem obsessed with how every detail will look on Instagram, or who people I don't know that well but who clearly aren't paying the bill themselves and who think more guests = more gifts? Probably not my thing, I may politely decline.

Especially if the only accommodation within miles and miles is the venue accomodation and costs £200+ per room per night. I don't mind a fancy hotel for a treat, but I don't want to be forced into it at a time I don't choose. When I've been going through broke patches, that has felt horrible.

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AlternativeBet1209@reddit

Weddings are terrible

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Own-Firefighter8485@reddit

Going to a wedding next week, really looking forward to it!

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Moppy6686@reddit

Coworker got married recently.

Wedding shower had a COLOR/STYLE dress code (floral summer dress) and required a gift. Wedding also had a COLOR/STYLE dress code (floral, formal) and required a gift.

Didn't know her that well and didn't go.

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Bubbly_North_2180@reddit

I’ve noticed weddings seem harder now because more people tend to move away. My family have all stayed in the same county, most within 5 mins of the house they grew up in. I’m the only one that moved 3 hours away with work and it’s awful, but I need to be picky with what events I can go to. Like others have said, it’s organising care for the dogs or leaving my partner behind, fuel, gifts etc. it’s harder if it’s a weekday and I need to take annual leave.

Growing up, weddings were always the same church followed by a choice of like 3 venues no more than ten minutes away. They were always great fun and no one really felt put out? Granted, it wasn’t some venue that would appear in vogue but it was more accessible for everyone. When I get married, I fully expect not everyone will make it and that’s fine with me. Uni friends have moved away, family are hours away. I don’t think it’s about resentment of the actual event, it’s the executive level planning and cost it takes to get there 😅

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diddy_lemon1@reddit

It depends on who is getting married and how many people we know that are going for me.

If we know people, it's not in the arse end of nowhere and it's on weekend we are up for it.

If it's a distant relative or a loose work connection, a 4 hour drive where there are no easy places to eat/stay on a Tuesday we are not looking forward to it.

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Equal-Passion-5760@reddit

Personally I don’t like them, I find them incredibly boring, they take up time I could spend doing something i actually want to do and there’s so many people there, I’ll go have a drink with my friends at the end of the evening when there’s less people though

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tinytornado33@reddit

I think it depends but a lot of people get a bit caught up in ‘its my day’ things like multiple events before the wedding, guests wearing certain colour schemes, expecting them to stay at expensive hotels etc can make it less enjoyable. That said if you’re close to the couple and there’s a good vibe most people dont mind them.

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pineappleshampoo@reddit

It’s more about whether you are considerate of your guests tbh.

Expecting people to fork out hundreds for a stag or hen, or to spend multiple days at your wedding, is inconsiderate. I don’t think people resent a chill, lovely celebration. The best weddings I’ve been to have been like that: ceremony in a nearby woods, meal at a board games cafe, hen at the local pub, etc.

The ones that demand an inordinate amount of time, money and energy are what piss people off. They forget people have lives and budgets.

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_ThePancake_@reddit

I have been to exactly weddings in my life and 2 of those I was a child. The one as an adult was great, but having dropped a few hundred on drinks n shit, it isn't a party I want to have very often.

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FSL09@reddit

At the last wedding I attended, I had to wake up at 7am to help with prep. At the reception, the wedding cake hadn't been brought out by midnight, by which point I was knackered so went to bed (I had a room at the reception venue). The wedding itself was fine, but it was such a long day, especially as an introvert that was seeing lots of family members for the first time in years.

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I didn't hate them but never really enjoyed them much. That was until a good friend got married. I was genuinely really excited for both of them and had chills during the ceremony. I loved the speeches, and then to top it off the reception felt like a reunion of our uni friend group who are all scattered across the country and abroad.

Turns out I do actually like Weddings when it's people I care about, and not a distant relative I barely know.

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QueenOfPhiladelphia@reddit

I am so excited to go to my friend’s wedding next weekend. They have been together for 10 years and I’ve known them the whole time. I can’t wait to celebrate them!!

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toastandjam97@reddit (OP)

Yay love that ! Yeah I’ve got a few friends weddings this summer as well as my own and I cannot wait ! To be the guest and just show up and celebrate them and not think about anything haha !

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Available-Bison-9222@reddit

There were a few years where there were 4-6 weddings a year. There were some invites I dreaded, not because I didn't like the couple, but because their destination wedding or out of town wedding would cost €800 +, while we were trying to save for our own wedding and house or just bought the house and were broke!

When we got married we made sure to have the hen/stag parties and the wedding in our home town.

Now invitations are very rare and I'm delighted to get them.

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visitingshortly@reddit

Have considered your experiences aren’t representative of posters lives and vice versa?

If you have friends across the uk or outside Europe then yes it’s expensive. Equally if you are London based but lots of friends want to travel back to different regions if uk can inccur travel cost and expenses.

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I'm not usually much of a party person, but I love weddings!

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toastandjam97@reddit (OP)

Love that 😊😊

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veryordinarybloke@reddit

I hate weddings. Expensive, exhausting, you get fed too late, the whole event is about the photos, and you have to make polite conversation with lots of people you don't know.

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Far_Call2993@reddit

I think it's definitely due to financial reasons, especially that nowadays people require very specific dress codes and expect certain gifts and a bachelorette party and.... All that adds up.

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DryJackfruit6610@reddit

Dont mind the wedding themselves.

Didn't enjoy them as a kid, don't enjoy them now. I wish people would stop creating obligations for others.

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360Saturn@reddit

I've never heard of this in my life.

How depressing and selfish.

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WeakExamination3209@reddit

I don’t like weddings, I haven’t liked going to them since I was a child. I’ve never wanted to get married myself. When I get invited if I can avoid them then I will. If it’s close family or friends I will put on a face and have drinks and have a dance etc but it’s not for me. I have social anxiety though so maybe that doesn’t help. Ive noticed the over the past decade it’s costing me more for hen parties and gifts. I have to take time off work so I lose pay then I’m out of pocket for my new outfit , gifts , drinks in the day. I’ve been a bridesmaid a couple of times and didn’t like that either. I’m definitely not miserable while I’m there but I don’t believe in marriage so weddings are cringe for me. My friend recently got married and for the cost of it all plus the honeymoon they could have put a decent deposit on a house. But it’s their day and their choice. I’m happy for anybody that loves marriage and wants to make the commitment. But for me personally on the quiet id prefer to not have to attend anymore if I could get away with it. A lot now have the no children rule so I can make my excuses this way.

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ahhwhoosh@reddit

I love a wedding. All generations, lots of socialising, free drinks, it’s great!

DifficultHistorian18@reddit

Depends who it is for me, and how far it is. Maybe i fret over the logistics for a bit but then go and have a great time. Seen some great locations - big country houses, castles, glamping, i've fell into a Travelodge at 5am after a wild reception. Great times. Been to a couple that were a bit less enjoyable too

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sc00022@reddit

Weddings are some of best weekends of the year. Especially destination weddings where you can make a holiday of it. You’re seeing your friends or families on the happiest days of their lives, getting fed and watered and get to have a boogie. How can anyone not enjoy that?

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I've passed through the wedding phase and I miss it tbh. I can see why people moan about it as at least in my circle they seemed to all happen within a few years of each other. Fatigue can set it, but just remember it's not about you and celebrate the couple.

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MissingPenguin@reddit

I love weddings. My issue is when you’re expected to shell out hundreds on a suit that the bride and groom want you to wear.

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RTB897@reddit

Depends on the wedding. We went to an old school friend's wedding, met up with loads of people we hadn't seen for years, had a nice meal, had a load of drink and a dance. Fabulous.

Went to another wedding at a wedding barn venue out in the middle of nowhere. Just felt trapped in the middle of nowhere, hardly anyone could drink because everyone was driving, so everyone sat round nursing bottles of bud lite or cans of coke wondering when it would be polite to slope off.

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Severus_1987@reddit

Barns in middle of nowhere are the worst for exactly this reason. Had one where we were then expected to turn up to a lunch the next day as well before travelling home several hours. At that point I really do resent going at all

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AnEnglishAmongScots@reddit

I think it truly depends on how much you're actually going to get out of attending. For me, it's never worth it. Have to go out of my way to get somewhere to stay and a wedding present (which I don't believe in, but the last time I didn't give one my snooty cousin came down on me like a ton of bricks and am not going through that again). Nine times out of ten, I'm starving hungry because the meal was soemthing I don't like, I'm far too sober to function because the cash bar is ridiculously exprenisve, and I'm moody becuase I'm either surrounded by my family memebers or people I don't know. Usually leave before cake and whatnot as I truly can't be bothered.

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MultiMidden@reddit

Depends...

Destination wedding where you have to book time off work, pay for a flight, pay for a hotel... people will be pissed off especially if they are also expected to give gifts.

Super happy going to weddings, love them! I struggle if there’s expectations of expensive hen do’s or needing to stay at a specific hotel etc. BUT going to celebrate people I love and come home again? Epic. Don’t mind about the number - although there was definitely a period 10/15 years ago when nearly every weekend was a wedding that was harder to afford with travel & hotel.

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MintImperial2@reddit

Being invited to a wedding - is a financial liability.

Actually being there - is rarely a barrel of laughs.

If you have family - there's extra costs/liabilities involved.

If you don't have family - you'll probabably be irritated by the other guests present that *do*.

I guess that makes it a bit of a "Bah Humbug" as far as I'm concerned.

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Nope. Absolutely love a wedding. Great times.

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Intelligent-Bee-839@reddit

Last wedding I went to cost me over £2k, what with the stag do, hen do and hotel. Had a really good time but 2k! I’m going to another in Sept and the cost is already approaching £1.5k. It’s a lot of money to lay out given the economy at the moment.

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SyntaxOfTheDamned@reddit

Weddings have become way too choreographed. What happened to turning up, getting pissed, embarrassing yourself slightly, the lads trying their luck, someone’s uncle going too hard on the wine, and everyone just having a proper messy night?

letsLurk67@reddit

I for one love attending weddings, what’s not to love about free food and just the general aspect of being a part of such an auspicious event.

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Huge_Horse_8945@reddit

I've declined way more weddings than I've actually attended. Wasting an entire Saturday travelling to be surrounded by a bunch of strangers sounds like my idea of hell. Wearing a suit i'm not comfortable in, getting way too drunk as my social anxiety hinders me from relaxing.

Having to then travel home whilst rough and losing most of my Sunday.

No thanks.

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baddymcbadface@reddit

Someone I care about? no problem, money is not an issue, if it's inconvenient I'll work it out.

My cousin's wedding? ...

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littletorreira@reddit

Your wedding sounds like the kind I enjoy. One where I can sleep in my own home. But yeah my friend got married last year, I was a groomswoman, I spent £200 on my outfit (low), £400 on going to his stag in Barcelona and then another £300 on hotel and trains for the actual day.

The worst part is all the clothes I had that fitted his colour scheme when I consulted with him were the wrong shade of green etc, then I got there on the day and one of the other groomsman was wearing brown.

It can be very expensive to go to someone's wedding and that is why people get annoyed.

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Beartato4772@reddit

I wonder if it makes a difference that people used to have 1 wedding in their lifetime?

SkipperTheEyeChild1@reddit

It’s always nice to be invited to a wedding. You don’t have to go. Things that would annoy me a little is if they aren’t on a Saturday or if they expect you to pay for your own food and drink. I’d always advocate for a small wedding that is generous over a large wedding that is stingy.

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ActionBirbie@reddit

What do you mean ""now"".....?

If you have the sort of personality that hated it ten years ago, that's not going to have changed.

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toastandjam97@reddit (OP)

It seems to be a wider cultural shift in recent years.

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TheGreenPangolin@reddit

No one just has formal clothes really. So you need an outfit which depending if you've changed size or even just season/expected weather since the last wedding might mean buying new. If you've got kids, they definitely won't have outfits that fit, or you need to pay babysitting. Many women will feel like they also need their nails or something doing because of societal pressure or whatever. Then you've got a gift to buy. If you're drinking, you might need a taxi or a hotel for the night.

If you go to the stag or hen, that's going to cost extra as well. Even if it's just the cost of drinks on a night out. Might be no more expensive than a regular night out, but lots of people struggle to afford regular nights out right now.

And with the cost of living, that is enough that people find them expensive. It quickly adds up and it doesn't need to be extravagant to be out of people's budgets recently.

Like say you're a family of 4 paying £20 each for outfits, plus £20 on a gift, plus £10 on drinks each while you're there, plus a taxi home- only £10 because you're local. That wedding just cost you £150 and you did it cheap. If you can't find outfits secondhand and don't want shein quality, need to buy shoes as well and you don't restrict yourself on drinks, suddenly that's a few hundred quid gone.

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pebblesprite@reddit

Other peoples' weddings are boring. It's nice looking at all the pretty clothes and flowers but after that you always get stuck at a table with some odious boor of an uncle or some bitchy cousin who hates the bride.

I'm going to a wedding in Autumn where I know for a fact that many of the people have abhorrent political views and I'm going to have to absent myself from conversations to prevent myself snapping.

I will be there to support the bride and I am genuinely excited for her but my social anxiety is already revving up to the point where I can't even pick a dress.

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jow1987@reddit

The last few years have been wedding central for us. Some we have attended, some we have not.

One wedding was 3 hours away, was a 3 day even with before and after parties and specifically said no children were allowed as they wanted the parents "to have a good time". Also 3 days after one of my kids birthdays.

We didn't go because between the cost of hotels, wedding gifts, new outfits and trying to organise childcare and time off work it would have cost over a £1000. That's a family holiday for us. I would rather have the family holiday.

Another one we didn't go to was similar. 4 hours away, no kids and would have cost us a fortune. We simple do not have that amount of money to throw at other people.

The ones we have been to are local and invite our kids. I do love a wedding but it always feels a bit crap when our kids are not invited, especially when it's close friends - I do understand it's people's choices.

We got married a few years ago.

Outside of the Reddit bubble, I do think a lot of it is attached to cost more recently. If the wedding isn’t local, the costs can soon mount up.

Between something to wear etc, wedding gift, stag/hen do, travel, hotel costs and then how much you spend at the bar, my next wedding I’m looking at the neck end of £1000 for me and my partner to go. And it’s not the only wedding I’ve been invited to this year.

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UpThem@reddit

Your wedding doesn't sound like the sort that people complain about.

The Wedding Industrial Complex has got out of hand, and people are naturally annoyed when they feel obliged to spend more time and money than they'd otherwise like to because a couple have got carried away.

I live in a literal village with an amazing community, and people still ignore our local wedding venue that's walking distance for most people and fuck off 30+ miles away to get married in a more instagrammable location that manages to be both extortionate and extremely inconvenient.

Yours sounds like exactly the sort of wedding only a curmudgeon would have an issue with, so enjoy it and don't sweat.

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Michael_Thompson_900@reddit

A nice wedding where guests are looked after = great.

A wedding where the majority of money is spent on the married couple at the expense of the guests comfort- not so much.

Give your guests free food and booze and you will have a lovely time. Skimp on those things but insist on having useless extras like a popcorn machine, sweet stand, Photo Booth and endless hours of posed photos and your guests may feel a bit like furniture.

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Seamonkeypo@reddit

It's just too much money and too many demands to wear certain things. Love weddings I can afford to attend.

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itsxafx@reddit

for me it’s not about resenting weddings as a thing, it’s more all the other shit that comes along with them.

i’m a woman, 21. a friend of me and my partner got engaged last christmas and i am already dreading that invite because i suspect she’s going to ask me to be a bridesmaid.

why? because for some reason it’s become acceptable for the bride to expect her friends to drop an absolute fuckton of money on clothes they’ll never wear again because of her “vision”, hair and make up that’s not cheap, a trip for the bride’s benefit where her bridesmaids might not even know each other and having to do absolutely everything she asks no matter how ridiculous.

and the worst part? saying no isn’t really an option unless you’re okay with being labelled a horrible, unsupportive friend who’s not a real friend. i would pay for travel and accommodation, that’s inevitable. but i have no interest in bridesmaid shit. as far as i’m concerned if you want bridesmaids and a trip you pay for them.

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I love a wedding, even if I don't really care or know the bride/groom.

Food, drink, music, dancing. Quick chat with some strangers I'm unlikely to meet again. Happy days

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Regular-Ad1814@reddit

The answer to this and nearly every question is, It Depends.

First of all, Weddings today are very different to years gone by. Now a days there is a bigger financial pressure around then for everyone.

Bride & Groom have huge expectation to meet up to the modern standards of a wedding (I.e. it has to be Instagramable, it has to have all the extras, etc.)

Guests are expected to shell out. A decent present, more than likely a hotel room for the night, cost of alcohol in a wedding venue which puts a premium on that. A new outfit. Not to mention most (I appreciate not yours) Hen and Stag doos now have huge costs associated with them and are multi day events (if not flying abroad). Guests can be expected to spend more than 1k by the time they tick all the relevant spends just to attend. Then if you are in a couple that figure potentially doubles.

This is ignoring the more recent trend of booking weddings on non weekends days because it's cheaper. But you then ask people to take multiple days PTO just to attend your wedding because you wanted all the fancy things but didn't want to pay the money for it, so instead dyou make your guests take PTO. (This one really boils my p!ss.

Compare this to say 25 years ago, yes weddings were not cheap but they were much cheaper and didnt have so much of the non direct costs (foreign stag/hen, etc.).

The other factor that could be clouding your judgement here is, your parents may just be sociable extriverted people so of course they would have loved weddings. But nowadays people are much more comfortable admitting when they are introverted, for introverts Weddings are extremely taxing so it's not surprising today when people talk more about their mental health etc. that more people are comfortable admitting they do not look forward to events like these. I am sure many people had those feelings 20 years ago too but just couldn't admit it.

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BigGrinJesus@reddit

It's Reddit. In the real world, people love a wedding.

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butidrathernot@reddit

I guess people with engaged friends with reasonable expectations aren’t going to moan about it. I have some really great friends all getting married soon but none of them are demanding, “it’s MY DAY” types. I’m very much looking forward to the weddings but I’m not shouting about how excited I am to strangers. If I wanted to say that, it would be to the bride/groom/bridesmaids/hens etc. because it’s probably nice for them to hear that their efforts are appreciated.

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FigTechnical8043@reddit

I make myself intelligent sounding enough that women don't want me at their wedding because I'll spoil the fun. I also don't currently look photo worthy. So no invites. Its bliss.

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onionsofwar@reddit

Weddings are fun, they are the OG party! As you get older, they become the occasion on which you actually manage to hang out with friends/family you don't see often and people look forward to them. The majority of people look forward to weddings.

I think what we're seeing is the rise of people in the UK doing things for status reasons. Weddings abroad used to be when you had a bride and/or groom from abroad. Now people treat them like another holiday.

Plus, travel, getting dressed up, costs of all that can be kind of anxiety-inducing and people express that through whinning. People are just socially more uncomfortable since COVID and I think that plays a part too.

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hidyhidyhidyhi@reddit

I like a wedding but weddings now to when our parents would go to weddings are not the same.

Now they are 2-3 days, a lot are abroad, use of social media means outfits are limited to be repeated, rarely held in the same area you live and prices have gone up for everything. Couples also seem to think they are as important to the guests as it is to them

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PabloMarmite@reddit

Weddings are one of the things that Reddit specifically has a weird hateboner over.

I think it's often a combination of things.

If you are at the age (usually late 20s into 30s) where all your friends and cousins are starting to get married, it can be the cumulative effect. One wedding that costs a couple of hundred quid to attend is one thing, but 5 weddings in a year and you could easily be spending over £1000 a year just on travel and accomodation!

You talk about the village and how your wedding is going to be a local and fun affair. But lots of people aren't doing this. They're booking expensive venues that require people to travel, to book a local hotel or such, even to take time off work.

That's not even taking into account stag and hen dos. These are definitely getting out of hand for a lot of people, spending £100s again for a few days away (and covering the costs of the bride/groom to be too). Don't even get me started on how common it is to do them abroad.

Something I have only seen online is the no-children, only these clothes please, type invites. But that is also part of it. I get that it's their day and they can make whatever requests they want, but they should also expect that the more they make, the more people will choose not to go.

Another thing - even without requesting a specific dress code, the assumption is that you dress nicely for a wedding. Suits, kilts, dresses, and all the extra bits are expensive, even to rent. If you already have something available, that's helpful. But if you don't? This is especially tricky for women to navigate - if you have a perfectly decent dress but it clashes with the bridal party? Sorry, you now need a whole new one.

Then there's the societal expectation of what being "done up" for a wedding involves. For women, again, this is usually more effortful - it's not just a dress, it's shoes, bags, hair accessories, a hair -styling appointment, nails, makeup...these costs all add up. And again, this is all far more of an expectation if you're part of the wedding party.

A lot of the resentment, then, doesn't come from weddings in general. It comes, very specifically, from the requirement/assumption that you spend £100s to participate in a single event. It's a capitalistic attitude towards weddings that I've never personally understood.

Booking a local village hall, letting people know they are all welcome and the dress code is cute and comfortable? That is the sort of wedding most people would be very happy to attend and which sounds a lot more authentic and stress-free for all involved.

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speedboat_jacket46@reddit

I think this is correct. It's often little things that can be stressful.

A friend of mine was invited to a summer wedding, but was told not to wear pink as that was the bridesmaids colours. Most of the formal dresses in the shops around spring/summertime are pink, white (obviously can't wear), cream (too close to white), light yellow/baby blue (photographs white?). She was stressed.

I was invited to an evening reception (a ceilidh) without a plus one. The bride and groom had met my fiancé, we'd been together 6 years, and I knew no one else outside of the bridal party. I still had a good time, but not having a dance partner felt a bit awkward.

I do still enjoy a wedding and I wouldn't say I was resentful or anything. I know that they're very expensive. I just appreciate when little details are considered.

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CaptainHindsight92@reddit

I really enjoy weddings and look forward to them. But it is also true that it is a big financial burden for guests. I think a lot of people because of social media want a big Stag/Hen/Sten abroad then an impressive wedding, they can just about stretch for a nice venue but then there is a big cost for their guests. For the Stag/Hen/Sten abroad £300-500 for accommodation and flights, at least £300 spending. For the wedding itself guests have to fork out £300 per night for the hotel usually it has to be at the venue as there are few alternatives nearby. It’s usually somewhere that also requires a train trip and a long taxi ride there and back. For me that’s around £70 and £30 respectively. Then of course there is a full day of drinks at £8 a pint because of the beautiful venue. So in total you are looking at least a grand.

Attending a wedding can feel financially burdensome because you’re spending a significant amount of money on something you didn’t choose the timing, location, or cost of yourself, you have less agency than say a regular holiday. That makes the expense feel like it’s “for someone else”. But in reality, you’re also paying for a holiday, a beautiful venue, and a chance to spend uninterrupted time getting pissed and celebrating with your best mates. When I think about it that way, it feels totally worth it.

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SightlessFive@reddit

thelaughingman_1991@reddit

I've enjoyed them, but the boujie stag dos abroad etc have been a real killer.

Here I am happy that I've not spent £4 on a meal deal that day, then I get added to a group chat that says "Stag do 2026" and it's somewhere abroad that'll be £700+ and my heart sinks.

I've had to decline one or two and feel immensely guilty for it, including what would be a ski trip next year.

One friend also had some big wedding and stag do in Krakow, and is already getting divorce within 2 years of the marriage.

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AdministrationNo1582@reddit

I don't like weddings and it's definitely not anything to do with social media, as I dreaded weddings long before it existed. I got married last year and just wanted to go to Copenhagen or Vegas, but my partner wanted a wedding so I reluctantly agreed to a TINY WEDDING. We ended up with 22 guests and I was delighted when the day was over. . .though my dress and hair were banging. I enjoyed that part. :-)

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Linguistin229@reddit

One point I’ve not seen mentioned much is just exhaustion.

If you’re doing a wedding on a Saturday, especially with an overnight stay, that’s your weekend gone. You get no time to relax then your next week at work is even worse as you’ve had no time to prepare for it (food shop and prep, washing and ironing). If you’ve got an intense job then the thought of no downtime for 12 days is not appealing (plus, of course, whatever expense).

I’ll do it for close friends and family but anyone else it’s a no from me!

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CurvePuzzleheaded361@reddit

Having to pay to attend weddings abroad is what annoys people i think and rightly so. I love a wedding, so fun to see people happy and celebrate with them!

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Flyinmanm@reddit

That and greedy wishlist/ want to go in very specific expensive hen/ stag dos.

Like I'm happy for you but I'm not buying you a £1,000 steak knife set (cheapest thing on list) or spending £2,500 because you want a week in Prague.

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oscarx-ray@reddit

I bloody love a wedding. I get to dress up, it's a joyful occasion, a good excuse for a piss-up, see friends I might not have seen in a while as everyone has grown-up responsibilities, and meeting new people who haven't already heard/been a part of my interesting stories is always fun!

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Ricky_Martins_Vagina@reddit

I'd love to go to more weddings 😄 my circle is negligibly small though plus I work away from home 75% of the year... Since entering adulthood I've maybe averaged 1 wedding every couple of years 🤔

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Buck_Slamchest@reddit

I've never been to a wedding in my 56 years on this earth and probably never will but I'd still probably like to go to one just to see what all of the weirdness and ceremony is all about.

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YouSayWotNow@reddit

I love going to weddings BUT given that they will nearly always cost a fair bit (for travel, for at least one overnight, and for gifts) I will usually only accept for those I'm close to. I'm not likely to go to a wedding (unless it's local to me) for a colleague unless they also happen to be a genuinely close friend.

But for those I love, which is still many, I will happily spend the money to celebrate their marriage with them.

Overseas weddings, I think most rational people understand that the cost will not make sense for anyone other than their nearest and dearest, or those with more disposable income available.

I have been to one wedding ever and it was great. Please invite me to your wedding, I am the most perfect, considerate guest. I don't have any drama, I won't get drunk and vomit anywhere, I will wear clothes according to the dress code and can regale other guests with my railway adventures. No-one else I know is getting married. Please let me share in your joy and eat your food. I am not very lonely.

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toastandjam97@reddit (OP)

😅😅

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TankFoster@reddit

I love a wedding, particularly if it's one of my mates and all my other mates are gonna be there. What could be better?

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Sensitive-Question42@reddit

During the time when I was in my mid-20s to my mid-30s, I did acquire wedding fatigue.

Now that I’m 50, weddings are few and far between, so I’m usually delighted to attend.

However I can guess that within the next 10 or so years wedding fatigue might set in again as my younger relatives start getting married.

I do like a good wedding though, and I suspect I might enjoy them more now that I am an elder and I’m less concerned about how I look so I don’t need a new outfit for each wedding.

Nor am I likely to be a bridesmaid, which is an expensive honour to burden your friends with.

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PleasedNacho@reddit

I only go to weddings if I don't have to travel for them, otherwise it's just too expensive

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cynical-mage@reddit

Only certain weddings. If they're demanding endless rounds of cash donations because they want a champagne wedding, but a lemonade budget, no thanks. My own was cheap, simple, and all we wanted was people to turn up and pig out on the buffet. No expectation of gifts whatsoever, bringing your kids was up to you, and just enjoying yourselves.

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emilesmithbro@reddit

I’m constantly seeing talk of people being resentful or annoyed about going to weddings.

Because people post about what they are annoyed about, no one’s gonna post randomly “I like going to weddings don’t you?”.

In the same way all broadband providers have bad reviews, no one’s posting a review of their WiFi has been as expected, it’s just a given.

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toastandjam97@reddit (OP)

Yeah this could be true, I’m not talking about Reddit exclusively though. Real life and other forms of social media.

I know that Reddit has a higher percentage of people who may not look forward to social occasions than other platforms.

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Nice_Back_9977@reddit

Weddings have changed a fair bit, that's part of it.

Weddings can be lovely for guests when they are simple, local, cheap and easy to attend and the couple have considered the guests as guests rather than as props or extras! Good food, drink, company and a band to dance to with a short taxi ride home? Brilliant, everybody loves that, and that's how 99% of weddings always used to be!

Now there's just as much chance the wedding will be 2-3 hours from where everybody lives because that's the 'dream venue' so you have to drive and stay overnight, you'll be given a ridiculous 'dress code' that means either buying a new outfit or risking the couple being pissed off at you, there's often a huge focus on photos and getting the right 'look' at all times which drags for guests and if you're single then you never seem to get the courtesy of a plus one anymore which makes you feel like a third wheel/a bit left out for the dancing/mingling unless you're part of a distinct group who are also all there solo like co-workers etc.

I think its really really important for couples getting married to remember that their guests are doing them a favour by coming, you aren't doing them a favour by having a wedding and inviting them! I see far too many brides online thinking the latter is the case.

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speedboat_jacket46@reddit

I love a wedding.

The only time I've ever been slightly annoyed (not resentful) was the time where I was an evening guest, at a venue an hour's drive away (no public transport), and wasn't given a plus one. It was a ceilidh. I also knew no one at the wedding other than the bride, groom. and her parents. The bride and groom had met my fiancé and we'd been together for 6 years.

But again. I had a good time and I was glad to have been invited!

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Harrry-Otter@reddit

I love a good wedding. Basically just a big party.

Only slightly annoying thing is when it’s a midweek wedding miles away from where I live.

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MrSteveBob@reddit

I adore weddings, I’ve been to 13 in the past two years and each have been a blast. All in their own unique way too.

P0rk1n5@reddit

Can’t stand weddings these days. Beautiful concept now way too heavily commercialised to the point where people try to use them to flex how affluent they are.

That combined with a day of standing around waiting, whilst making small talk to relatives or mutual friends you’d rather not have to speak to, is my idea of hell.

I have been to a couple of weddings I really enjoyed but that’s been heavily influenced by my relationship to the individuals getting married and the overall vibe of the wedding and people attending.

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Mundane-Topic-8214@reddit

For me it's always the hen do before the wedding that gets me. I'm already coming to the wedding, that's meant to be the celebration, I don't need to fork out for a weekend of expensive organised 'fun' with people I don't know as a pre-celebration before the actual celebration.

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Mysterious_Fox_8058@reddit

I love the weddings where I have no role to play, or my part in it is small. But I do dread the ones where I'm invited to attend multiple hen do's and my husband has to attend the stag do. That can cost us up to £1000 combined, and annual leave. Then there's the spend for clothes, gifts, drinks on the day and accomodation (in the last 15 years of weddings I have been able to drive home from only one of them due to distance). I know that weddings cost a lot of money to throw (we're married), but nowadays it can cost a LOT of money to attend.

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AnonAnonAnon85@reddit

I LOVE a good wedding but I think it's when the assumption is that everyone wants to do 20 activities related to it, and has the same budget or free time to commit to it all (e.g. people going overseas for elaborate or expensive hen or stag dos) and the judgment around that if they don't. Some have got really out of hand it's like a month's long event-lead up, but seems to be mostly confined to the US I think thankfully.

thefogdog@reddit

The only thing that would irk me is that more people seem to be having stags/hens abroad now, or the wedding itself abroad.

I'd resent that, as that'd be my holiday for the year gone.

But a UK wedding: not at all.

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burnafterreading90@reddit

I don’t mind weddings, I’m not a massive fan but that’s on me and my own issues.

What I actually resent is being expected to pay 100s on a hen do and using my AL for it - this seems to have exploded in recent years.

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spirit-animal-snoopy@reddit

More people don't care about marriage, many believe it's a throwback to "tradition" that means nothing in a secular society .

A huge number of people don't want a wedding for themselves , they don't believe in them, so it would be hypocritical to go to weddings per se.

Many might be hypocritical enough to still go to other peoples' weddings due to social conditioning/ politeness, but that number seems to be dropping.

Don't take it personally. If you believe in marriage, enjoy your wedding. It's for you, not anyone else.

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Wishmaster891@reddit

The ceremony and waiting around is a bit boring but after that they get better

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dobber72@reddit

I hate weddings but after being at quite a few I can say there are usually only one or two people not enjoying being there, including me.

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Realistic-River-1941@reddit

So why did you take the job, Reverend?

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distraction_pie@reddit

I think it depends on the wedding and the dynamics involved. The wedding of somebody I'm close to and who wants to celebrate together with their close friends and family and makes it a shared experience is fun. The wedding of a couple who want an audience and props for their performance and photoshoots of how much of a perfect couple they are and how surrounded they are with friends who are glamourously dressed and are having picture perfect fun and will stay as late as the couple likes but not a minute longer and are totally supportive villagers for the couple so don't care that the wedding is under catered and impractically located and comes with the expectation of a whole new expensive outfit to fit with the incredibly specific colour scheme... not so much.

I think it's a question of if people see a village as something you are part of, or something that to have have. I'm all up for being a villager as in a member of a community and happy to put in a bit of effort to contribute towards something that everyone else is also trying to make a shared positive experience; I'm not willing to be a villager as is in the service NPC to somebody else's main character.

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prankishink@reddit

In your parents day, it was likely easier and more fun to attend weddings. Buy an outfit, travel not very far, celebrate, buy a present of your choice. Life's a party.
Now it's pre-wedding activities that can cost a lot money (in a time of historic tax burden when people have the least disposable income), travel, time off work, outfits, childcare, creepy online wedding present lists, demands made of guests - 'we ask that you wear lilac or cerulean outfits'. It's not that the wedding isn't fun; it's just expensive and hassle. Once people are there, it's fine.

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lm3d1@reddit

Weddings are lovely but they are getting increasingly expensive to go to, and increasingly focussed on the bride and groom having a very specific type of fun at the expense of the guests.

I'm seeing more and more specific dress codes, which adds to the cost, odd food choices like a pizza van at 4pm and cake at 9pm, as if that's not going to leave me both hungry and feeling sick by bedtime, super long schedules where there is a 3-hour break for 'down time' in the middle, as if I'm going to get into my pjs for a few hours and then get dressed up again, and thoughtless seating plans where I'm next to some pervy cousin or people where the only thing we have in common is 'worked with the groom at some point in the last 10 years'.

I want to go and celebrate the relationship of two people I care about and have a nice time without feeling like it's some kind of hazing.

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Can't speak for anyone else but I do, I'd rather just stay at home and feel 'dragged' there.

Thankfully people get the message now everytime the rest of the family shuffle out in expensive, uncomfortable suits talking about how busy their day is going to be (I feel exhausted just listening to then talking about it) I get the house to myself. Just me, the dogs and the TV.

The last one I actually went to I just stopped for the ceremony and got a lift home so I didn't have to sit through the reception all day/evening, actually went straight back to bed when I got home. 😆

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I don't enjoy weddings. Long, boring and expensive days which are pretty much indistinguishable from each other. I'm quite comfortable declining invitations though, unless it's going to cause drama.

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Last_Car7649@reddit

They're just a faff on. Never anywhere convenient, always requires a hotel stopover, sometimes abroad, and I'm too fat now to fit in my suits

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Ambivalent-Axolotl@reddit

I love a wedding once I'm there; but the pre-wedding admin is tricky for me especially if it involves lots of back-and-forth emails, travel etc.

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Time-Invite3655@reddit

I don't enjoy weddings - it just isn't my thing. As a result, my own wedding was very small, low cost and simple in style.

I have noticed a trend with people having weddings on a Sunday night too; when these involve traveling, they really don't work for couples with children and jobs that require you to be in work on a Monday morning. Consequently, the last two family weddings that we attended saw us leave early - to be able to get back at a decent hour before work the next day.

It depends. Do I know them or am I a plus one? Am I expected to travel and stay over somewhere? Is there any faff between the ceremony and the meal / evening do? Is food before or after speeches - and does the day schedule mean lots of time being hungry? Has thought been put into the guests or are we just backdrops to photos?

A good wedding is a great day, a bad one is a chore.

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Kaiisim@reddit

People resent shit weddings.

The problem with online is that it's not chit chat - it's a specific place for grievance. So most people post grievances. Id only ever post if I went to an annoying wedding.

People love a big party. They hate obligations.

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CynicalSorcerer@reddit

I like a wedding.

What I don’t like is travelling half way across the country and needing to shell out on accommodation and food etc.

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ThrustersToFull@reddit

I love a wedding but they can be stressful. I’m in recovery (alcohol) so it’s really hard being around loads of people who are drunk. But that aside it’s usually enjoyable.

That said, I can see why people don’t enjoy them. They are usually not cheap - depending on the wedding itself there may be travel, hotels, gifts, cost of drinks at the venue, outfits etc.

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Consistent-Pirate-23@reddit

A wedding abroad becomes your holiday for that year or few years, so I can see why that is an issue, especially if it’s in term time for someone with kids or a difficult work annual leave situation.

I’ve been to a bunch of weddings, it’s about half and half between lovely wedding and lovely people and wtf are we doing here. Worst was standing in the rain for staged shots, before being sat with someone that had a moral obligation to the job I did and told me at great length.

Being part of a village is great but villages have idiots

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TonyBlairsDildo@reddit

Weddings have evolved into a high energy party, but come from low-energy historical origins. This mismatch comes from the bolted-on aspect of each additional aspect of the day.

The result is a day that is way too long for many, and for most involves a great deal of waiting around making idle patter with strangers. "Forced fun" is a term I've seen used to describe them.

I've been to plenty of weddings, funerals, christening and all sorts of other events and the highest energy are Rugby Club AGMs. Some of the lowest energy have been weddings where you're nursing your complimentary flute of champagne for 2 hours before being seated for a mass chicken dinner that takes another three hours.

IMO the art of a great wedding is in the pacing; the pacing of the day itself, and the pacing of the alcohol across that day. Smartest move I've seen was giving out double espressos to everyone after the reception meal.

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JMM85JMM@reddit

It depends.

Generally I love being at weddings. They're happy events. Often surrounded by loads of my closest friends. Maybe I resent them slightly if we're travelling very far to get there and we're kind of on our own when we're there.

My favourite weddings have been weddings within an hour or so travel with loads of close friends present. My slight resentment weddings have been 7 hours of travel in the car each way, cost us close to a grand between hotels, petrol and travel when there, and paying to put the cats in a cattery for the weekend and where we've felt more on the peripherary of the core crew.

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crazygrog89@reddit

I find them very procedural and boring. And it’s all planned as if it were a formal gala or something, so much attention to the food, the courses, the speeches (can’t stand them). If it was a 2 hour thing that I could attend then fine, but it always turns out to be a 7 hour+ process that makes me feel exhausted, I spend a lot of money and I waste probably the only day of the weekend I have to socialise with my friends.

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damapplespider@reddit

It can get expensive and it’s sometimes about the sheer volume rather than pricey options. Friend groups often go through similar lifestyle changes within a few years so you can end up at 3 weddings a year for a few years.

Not so bad if bride and groom are local and you are happy to wear the same outfit. But if the wedding is far away enough to need transport and an overnight stay (especially if the venue is in the middle of nowhere) or different clothes (winter v summer), then it can add up. Most weddings as a guest are a bit samey - you either know most of the people or you know very few, the food is often pretty average, the music has to cater for 3 generations and the drinks can be pricey. Going to three of those each year, might cost the same as a week’s holiday somewhere I’ll enjoy myself every day.

The highlight of a wedding is seeing other people I haven’t seen in a long time, rather than seeing the actual marriage vows. That’s the bit you’re desperate to get out of the way before the food and the dancing with people you like.

The bit I have now discovered I hate is the hen. I’m not going abroad unless I’m best friends with/related to the bride. Expecting anyone to pay more than £150 for a hen is cheeky.

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zephyrthewonderdog@reddit

Enjoy weddings if it’s a close friend or family.

It’s when you get invited to an in-laws third marriage, or a co worker you don’t really like, or second cousin you haven’t seen in years, and don’t really give a shit. But they still expect an expensive present.

Rather stop at home.

Or even worse, wife’s old school friend and you know absolutely fucking nobody. End up sat on a table on your own because your wife is a bridesmaid and sat on the top table. End up listening to drunk Uncle Alan all fucking night talking about Jesus and religion( actually happened to me).

I love a wedding! I'm quite sad that most of my close friends are either already married, or very unlikely to be getting married, so I have none coming up.

I think "I just got invited to a wedding and I'm delighted" just doesn't make for a very interesting social media post, so you see the complaints more.

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72dk72@reddit

Probably only been yo about 8 or 9 in 50 years!

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