All cheaters on the same cruise !

Posted by Prashantt1@reddit | Jokes | View on Reddit | 65 comments

A woman cheats on her husband after years of happy marriage

Realizing her mistake, she starts praying to God. "Lord, I know what I did was wrong, but my marriage is the only thing that gives my life purpose and joy. Please, don't let my husband find out."

Suddenly she hears a voice from above: "Okay my child, it will be, but on one condition: years from now, you will die by drowning."

The woman hesitates at first but then responds, "Alright Lord, if it means he'll never find out, then so be it."

The next years of her life are happy and wonderful. She starts a successful business and lives in comfort with her husband, however, she continues to cheat on him many times, having forgotten her conversation with God.

One day she decides to book herself a vacation on a cruise ship. A few days into the voyage, a loud BOOM rocks the cruise ship, and it starts to sink. Suddenly remembering her agreement with God, she is struck with grief and begins frantically praying to God again:

"God, you're not gonna drown an entire cruise ship full of people because of me, right?"

She hears a familiar voice: "Are you kidding me? I've been working to gather all you cheaters here for years."

That's all folks !!!

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mtrw85@reddit

Is this a joke? Or just Christian schadenfreude?

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TheEnlightenedPanda@reddit

When did God in Christianity ever care about casualty ?

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TheRichTurner@reddit

Or causality.

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posophist@reddit

Or casuistry.

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Demoniac_smile@reddit

Well, there was the time he saved the one guy who offered his daughters to a crowd in place of a couple of angels from him destroying a couple of cities, does that count?

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Mr_Bufu@reddit

It is a really weird punch line thinking about it. Are all people who perish on ships cheaters now?

And what is the moral of cheating and keeping promises to God, if he has decided to drown you?

On the moral front it is more warped than on the joke side.

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StuckinReverse89@reddit

Not really. Just this one.

Given God was th one who brought up the drowning stipulation, it’s honestly more likely he already had a plan to drown a cruise in motion and made the deal to fill it.

I find it a bit more warped that God essentially helps the cheater reach a higher standard of living (successful business, no health scares or crises) so she could afford to get on a cruise trip to be drowned.

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Mr_Bufu@reddit

Good point.

I can't think of another analysis on that part, which feels very dark and sticky.

Any joke is like a relief through reversal of expectations. This joke has a kind of that element to it. It starts with the title which already gives 'the clue' away. And even after experiencing this clue one might feel surprised in some way. Which makes it a kind of anti-joke.

But the setup reveals justification in a tremendous suffering very much out of any proportion in relation to 'the crime'. With the success of that woman even building up the tension as a setup for the release. Society would collapse if this fever dream of righteousness ever came to manifest in reality. You make a mistake -> you enjoy success in some way -> you die earlier as a punishment for that mistake still. Also important: not because of aids or other risks involving adultery, but because of statistics.

Statistics imply that the more you take a cruise, the higher the odds of drowning. This is regardless of adultery, a convenant with God or if one is stupid enough to enter any ship after an explicit threat of drowning by a superior being.

Thinking of it, this is more a Zen joke than a Christian joke. If I have to think of a Christian joke about adultery the song 'A Quick One While He's Away' by the Who comes to mind. Which ends in forgiveness and I find extremely funny.

This Zen joke is as funny as a Pasta Carbonara recipe.

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Ballisticsfood@reddit

The part that makes it a joke was omitted, I think? She was meant to be on the cruise with her husband.

CibrecaNA@reddit

Thanks for the title mate. You understand this art exceptionally well.

yami76@reddit

You’ve gotta prepare your audience with what’s coming, all the greats do it, classic comedy trick.

Mammoth_Sell5185@reddit

Works even better if you explain the joke after. “Get it, the whole boat is full of cheaters?“

Acrobatic_Matter_109@reddit

It was a "nookie" mistake.

WestLine_43@reddit

Hit em with the ol punchline in the title number

Reecethehawk@reddit

Someone leaked it btw

Ah, you mean the ship had sprung a leak and that's why it was sinking. I feel a song coming on. Cue the music...it's Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On.

"you mean the ship had----" No

diamondgreene@reddit

🤭

Cloverface@reddit

is this a stuff up by a bot? can't see a human making that mistake....

Believe me, I make stupid mistakes all the time. Way worse than that...

Jellan@reddit

It does rather ruin the entire post.

Archelon_ischyros@reddit

So does the “that’s all folks!”

eglantinel@reddit

It's the tiktok style

xyzzytwistymaze@reddit

Tiktokers hate this one trick!

clk63@reddit

It's for the tldr crowd with no attention span

jwd1066@reddit

I saw that & thought "I've heard that one before I think"... Then read the whole thing again just to remember: yup that's how that one goes. Facepalm.

nerankori@reddit

Big talk from a guy who fucked another man's wife

Groundbreaking_Ad26@reddit

Another man’s child bride

Eurylochushater24@reddit

You did NOT just say that.

VoidCoelacanth@reddit

Blame the Bible, not the Redditor.

Isn’t she meant to be on the cruise with her husband? I thought that was the entire joke…

ModularWhiteGuy@reddit

Well, the thing is that he is on the cruise with her. He booked separately to keep an eye on her because I thought she was cheating.

runonandonandonanon@reddit

Surely if that was part of the joke it would be in the post title.

1 The word of the Lord came to Jonah son of Amittai: 2 “Go to the great city of Nineveh and preach against it, because its wickedness has come up before me.”
3 But Jonah ran away from the Lord and headed for Tarshish. He went down to Joppa, where he found a ship bound for that port. After paying the fare, he went aboard and sailed for Tarshish to flee from the Lord.
4 Then the Lord sent a great wind on the sea, and such a violent storm arose that the ship threatened to break up. 5 All the sailors were afraid and each cried out to his own god. And they threw the cargo into the sea to lighten the ship.
But Jonah had gone below deck, where he lay down and fell into a deep sleep. 6 The captain went to him and said, “How can you sleep? Get up and call on your god! Maybe he will take notice of us so that we will not perish.”
7 Then the sailors said to each other, “Come, let us cast lots to find out who is responsible for this calamity.” They cast lots and the lot fell on Jonah. 8 So they asked him, “Tell us, who is responsible for making all this trouble for us? What kind of work do you do? Where do you come from? What is your country? From what people are you?”
9 He answered, “I am a Hebrew and I worship the Lord, the God of heaven, who made the seaand the dry land.”
10 This terrified them and they asked, “What have you done?” (They knew he was running away from the Lord, because he had already told them so.)
11 The sea was getting rougher and rougher. So they asked him, “What should we do to you to make the sea calm down for us?”
12 “Pick me up and throw me into the sea,” he replied, “and it will become calm. I know that it is my fault that this great storm has come upon you.”
13 Instead, the men did their best to row back to land. But they could not, for the sea grew even wilder than before. 14 Then they cried out to the Lord, “Please, Lord, do not let us die for taking this man’s life. Do not hold us accountable for killing an innocent man, for you, Lord, have done as you pleased.” 15 Then they took Jonah and threw him overboard, and the raging sea grew calm.

"I would like to be downvoted please" would have been much faster.

This needs the headline: Sinner gets eaten by a whale.

Eaten implies chewing, which would have ended differently.

So swallowing something whole isn't eating it?

Yikes—you’re right!

Looks like crow is on my menu.

Umm, what?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eating_crow

Best jokes are in the comments

God: do as I say or I’ll kill you

Yeah, he sounds great

Hey, not just you but your fellow-passengers and crew! And it all ended well, so what’s not tonlike?

Bawkalor@reddit

FTFY

InsightfulMind454@reddit

OMG 😳 I love it! 🥰 I will use that at Bible study! Just kidding, but…. Well… perhaps 🤔.

restlessmouse@reddit

Yeah right. Cruise ships would be going down every week. A few survive but die or Syphilis.

neoprenewedgie@reddit

Title: To get to the other side!

Post: Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!

WeWatchAnything@reddit

This is an impressive example of how never to tell a joke.

atleta@reddit

I guess she was meant to ask "you're not gonna drown an entire cruise ship full of innocent people because of me", for this joke to make any sense. (It doesn't, though, as she would have recognized at least some of them and it makes no sense for the joke not to mention this fact.)

Aggravating-Group-87@reddit

Perhaps it would have lined up better if the cruise ship was filled with all of her current and former lovers…. Except her husband

Equivalent-Draft9248@reddit

There was room for two on that door!

🤣🤣🤣

SeaworthinessWest965@reddit

Desperate_Process_89@reddit

😂

No-Music-1994@reddit

Hundreds of cheaters one one boat? They were rocking so hard it sank the boat

Some1farted@reddit

3 husband's die after getting together to commemorate the plane crash that killed their wives the previous year . Upon entering the pearly gates, the 1st husband sees his wife driving a Lambo. He asks Peter about it and is told his wife was always faithful and never cheated so she got her pick of transportation. The 2nd husband sees his wife driving Camry and asks if his wife had been unfaithful. Yes, she faltered once or twice. The 3rd husband let's out a cry of grief and says I just saw my wife on a skateboard.

having forgotten her conversation with God

As one does.