I moved to Spain 2 months ago and I'm thinking about going back home
Posted by timeoutguy@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 72 comments
I’m in Spain on a digital nomad visa and I feel like I made a wrong choice. I’m in my early 20s and work remotely for a UK company making around 2800–3200 GBP. I had a good life in Brazil living with my parents, helping with bills and giving them comfort. I even bought my mom a new motorcycle one month before I moved
But when I got here I felt something was wrong. I started thinking I made a mistake. I moved to a country where I don’t really know anyone (well, I know someone but they live 4 hours away) thinking I could handle it. I’m managing okay I learned to cook, clean the house and take care of myself. But I still feel less happy than in Brazil and I’m spending more money
Lately I’ve been thinking about going back to Brazil. I want to get ready in case I want to try living abroad again in the future. In Brazil I can save more money which is important to me because I come from a poor family, invest in myself with studies and still travel to Europe or North America twice a year. Traveling inside South America is also easy Argentina, Uruguay and Chile are 2–4 hours by plane
Just needed to share this. Has anyone gone through the same thing?
nickelghost@reddit
It’s always tough in the beginning, but usually you just need to meet a few good people and things will get rolling from there. Where in Spain do you live?
timeoutguy@reddit (OP)
Oviedo
nickelghost@reddit
Well, it might make things tougher, since it's a smaller city with a smaller international community. Why Oviedo? Nonetheless, I see that there are also events on meetup.com and stuff so it might be worth checking out. I came to Malaga over a week ago and I've already made a few connections and I'm keeping myself busy.
DannyFlood@reddit
I felt exactly the same when I was spending a few months in Japan, so I decided to stop worrying about those same things like money and just traveled around the country and enjoyed it as much as possible.
For now, put your anxieties on the shelf, you'll always have time to go back home later. Try to make the most of the adventure, you are in Europe after all..
Federal-Orchid-9855@reddit
I'm Brazilian, living in Spain. I love it, but I would be living in Brazil if I had a remote job, due to the ratio between cost of living and happiness.
I would say: either choose to live in an expensive place in which you would have opportunities to grow in your career, or go back to friendly Brazil.
Check some capital cities of Nordeste. You would feel rich, with lovely people around and could go back to your family on every special occasion
eevee_nina@reddit
Been through the same thing but you should try a bit longer 🙏🙏 this is one of the toughest moments right now because you’re just settling in and realising you need to build community from scratch. I thin you should reevaluate at 6 months. Don’t give up now!! 🧡🧡 and as a last comment, I saw this instagram reel yesterday that talks about exactly this: https://www.instagram.com/reel/DRfP4Fsj9d-/?igsh=MXhmNjZ6Z2Eyd2U4eg==
Few_Stranger1386@reddit
When you’re young and single, you don’t see the point of moving. But when you have kids you will want a better future for them
jjcly@reddit
Draw a line in the sand. One year is ideal. Most people know after 6 months. If you are feeling alone move back home. Life is too short.
What no one ever tells anyone when they move overseas that they are starting off from scratch. Zero. Zilch. You do not really make friends in your work environment. You have something called peers.
WFH is essentially very isolating and it’s extremely challenging to make new friends as an adult WFH or even in the workplace.
It is a big part of being an adult.
Unless you are going to University in a foreign country I would not recommend feeling alone or rather tolerating feeling lonely beyond one year in Spain tops.
rocketdeedub@reddit
Peers. Yup.
timeoutguy@reddit (OP)
I only realized this about friendships after coming here. Its really hard to make friends when you work from home, especially in another country. Even tho Spain is a country where people are generally more open, I feel like it’s hard to break into social circles, you know? During time here. Being here, I’ve started to understand the difference between solitude (something I enjoyed in Brazil) and loneliness.
brokerlady@reddit
you need to consider it from the POV of the people there. they have friends family jobs so there is not so much free time, but Spanish tend to do things in groups I think so they could invite you along, but as they have friends you have to be proactive and work from cafe's co working spaces, go to group activities, something you can go to every week and see the same people and then someone will invite you with their friends and it will start. would you though go to the trouble of making a friend who already decided they will leave next month
EkeshOkor@reddit
One of the most important things in my 5yr of digital Nomading and having two major moves across my life....if you don't have the workplace.....is to focus around your hobbies and social activities.
Take up rock climbing and go to the gym often (rope climbing is especially social cause you need a rope partner and sometimes the gym itself can help you find one), or classes in whatever (cooking, dancing, etc). Group activities that are advertised.
I was once in Barcelona to visit a friend and she took me to a hand standing class.....just from that if I was around for longer I would have had 3 or 4 contacts.....that was lucky, but it's all about consistency, being there over and over again. A recognizable face is an easier face to befriend.
Chary_314@reddit
During time here. Being here, I’ve started to understand the difference between solitude (something I enjoyed in Brazil) and loneliness.
May be this alone was worth it travelling to Spain.
jjcly@reddit
It’s the same thing in every country throughout the world.
Evening_Revenue_1459@reddit
💯
Lolita-2025@reddit
Look, i am from third world as well and moved to europe 3 years ago ( i wish it was spain because i looove people there ) First, building community really takes time Second, tou are soo young, think of others who couldn't get this chance, when you successfuly did it and in early age Third, make a lot of different experiences, after a while you will be surprised of how you can change and adapt Forth, we care about citizenship, wait until you get it and then you can go wherever you want
Successful-Jello721@reddit
I also moved here about 3 months ago but having the opposite experience. I’m in school so I have classmates, but k never like to rely on classmates for friendship. Even if you are an introvert, you have to be dedicated to creating a life and friendships for yourself here, meaning you need to be out frequently at meetups and other events to make friends. You are already working remotely so you are alone, take the time to build a network: join a church, join Spanish classes, go on some dates. It’s up to you!
mormegil1@reddit
You are going through the usual mental health challenges induced by culture shock and homesickness that hits you 3-4 months after moving to a new, unfamiliar country. Tough it out. Go home for a month, if you can, to chill. Feb return to Spain. It won't feel half-bad anymore.
bendandanben@reddit
You’ll always enjoy Brazil more than other countries
Existing_Raccoon_215@reddit
Well my take would be, see u have made a decision. Any investment u make will take or can take 2 years . So u aren’t going back because of clear reason, it’s just that u aren’t out of your comfy zone which isnt a right reason to rewrite a decision u have made. Well go out give it your best. Also think about it this way if u spend more more u can also make more money, well I will take off that I never heard u say u are poor as people are much poorer without a roof, this might sound harsh but push it even without getting results work on your goals and your vision. Happiness isnt a measure of SUCCESS. It’s always better to choose HARDER RIGHT THAN EASIER WRONG.
Away-Box793@reddit
If saving money is a priority for you then you should take that into consideration. Why do you feel the need to live in another country? Social media certainly hypes it up but that’s usually fitting for people who aren’t happy with their current situation. The experience is great and like many have said you need at least a year to establish a nice circle of friends but by no means should you feel obligated to live abroad because it sounds cool. Spain is a great fun country but so is Brazil.
DoukSprtn@reddit
Most people would love to move to Spain do yourself a favor and give it some time like they said above 1 to 2 years and I think you will not regret it.
Fem-Picasso@reddit
You're on a digital nomad visa. You can leave anytime.
ImprovementEmpty9362@reddit
Take the pressure off of yourself. Stay open minded. Give it some time. Explore. Realize it’s supposed to be tough and be proud of yourself for taking a leap and betting on yourself. You can go back home. I’m 56. It’s easier to take those chances when you are young and there are tons of opportunities and people out there in your age group. Breathe
Miss_Dark_Splatoon@reddit
I think regarding your age moving to a foreign country will give you such valuable life experience, you are already learning new things and improving. I would try at least 4 more months and see how you feel.
Consistent-Barber428@reddit
What I don’t see in your post is what is your goal. I came to Spain 3 years ago with a very specific goal: to make a new life, meet new friends, learn a new language etc. It took about two years to make that all happen, but I did it and according to plan because I had specific goals so I could make specific plans.
Remote-Alert@reddit
bruh how can you be "poor" in Brazil and travel to europe/north america twice a year, like that's peak upper class lol
timeoutguy@reddit (OP)
What I mean is I came from a poor family, but I started to study programming since my 14s and because of that I got a good job and this changed my life
Remote-Alert@reddit
good stuff dude, keep cooking 🔥💯
JoeFromBoston@reddit
My son had a similar experience. We are from Boston, MA, USA and he moved to San Diego after college. He thought it would be a fun adventure. He moved on his own without knowing many people, none of his close friends were there. It was difficult. He got involved in the community, he volunteered at a local school, joined a bike club, and tried a lot of different activities. In the end, he was lonely and homesick. After a year he moved closer to home, NYC, and is much happier being around friends and closer to family.
It is OK to want something different. Be proud that you tried and confident that you can do it again. You will look back and realize the benefit of what you did and it will help you later in life.
timeoutguy@reddit (OP)
Yes, even if I go back home, I’m proud of what I did. I only knew how to fry an egg LOL. Here I learned how to make stroganoff, mac and cheese, teriyaki chicken, etc. I think when we’re young we feel invincible, until life hits us in the face and we realize the world isn’t all strawberries haha.
batch1972@reddit
I don't think many Spanish people will be upset to see you go to be honest..
lucky_luke_92@reddit
I came 2 years ago and I am really unhappy here... leaving soon, already gave my notice
timeoutguy@reddit (OP)
Sorry to hear that, hope you find happiness again :)
strzibny@reddit
You haven't even wrote why are you in Spain?
timeoutguy@reddit (OP)
I moved here with the goal of getting Spanish citizenship (after living legally for 2 years I can start the process) and to be closer to other European countries so I could travel more. Besides, I've always wanted to experience living abroad and see what it's like
strzibny@reddit
I was just a bit surprised because people go there for sun but you indeed have sun in Brazil. I guess you have to decide if you really need it and it's worth it to you since you don't have immediate use-case for it. Remember they can still change citizenship laws at any time.
timeoutguy@reddit (OP)
Yeah, I'm thinking about these changes as well. Portugal changed recently and I guess it's a tendency here in Europe
KezaBoo@reddit
Homesickness is common, but not fatal. If you went to Spain to build a new life - start building! Your old life will never be the same, and when you go "home" you'll realize how much you have changed. I think it's worth staying for at least a year before you even consider going home for a visit. That gives you time to get over the initial difficulty of settling in and time to build up new patterns of daily life.
Aromatic-Project-745@reddit
I would weigh what means the most to you. I know living abroad sounds (and really is) amazing, but it’s possible that being with your family actually brought you more true happiness and fulfillment. I’m American but have spent time in Brazil and I know the Brazilian culture is very loving and warm especially amongst families. If that’s what you grew up with, then living in some other countries may feel cold and difficult to replace that feeling of love. I would think about everything some more, and maybe write your thoughts in a journal. Sure it’s nice to live in a different country, but at what cost? If you’re not loving it and it’s hard to make friends, maybe it will be a better life in Brazil? But I know it’s hard to make friends almost everywhere. Give yourself some time to think about it.
NothingNo1915@reddit
Hey! Congrats on the UK job, that's awesome!
And about feeling lonely, I'd say try volunteering, like with charities, or get into meet-ups about stuff you like (or don't). Those places are really great for making friends.
HerroWarudo@reddit
I agree with other comments, 2 months is nothing. If you feel this way this early its just not for you.
Remote jobs are not easy to come by though. Make sure you can still lean into UK connections.
lokayes@reddit
You're young you got years to fuck around, do what the dude suggested line in the sand and gtf out if you are not happy, meanwhile enjoy it all, life lesson shit
colonolcrayon@reddit
Many, many people have been through the exact same thing. Have a read of previous posts on here about it. Most advice is stick with it for 6 months and see how you feel. 2 months isn't a long time to change language (albeit slightly Spanish-Portuguese). Mostly it gets better, and it really helps to start developing friends etc.
ExcellentWinner7542@reddit
Just think how Columbus felt.
timeoutguy@reddit (OP)
Yes, that's one of the things I'm thinking about. Trying to stay until the middle of next year and see how I do. And regarding the language, it's actually been one of the positives, my Spanish has improved a lot since I arrived here
colonolcrayon@reddit
Sounds like it's moving in the right direction. Take it easy on yourself, and focus on what you can control and it'll work out. Remember the reasons you came in the first place. I've done a similar thing, and it ain't always easy. And let's be honest, finding a beautiful boyfriend/girlfriend definitely helps in terms of reasons to stay :)
garage_artists@reddit
Give it time. 8 weeks isn't even a TV show season.
(Yes I count my life episodically and speak only in advertising jingles and song lyrics)
svensKatten@reddit
I had this feeling after moving abroad a couple times, when I was in my early 20s I enjoyed the novelty but as I got older I preferred the comfort and social connections in my home city, it’s ok to change your mind, maybe give it a few months to get the most out of the experience then go home?
hipnos98@reddit
How much time takes to adapt can be different for each person, but 2 months is too short. What worked initially for me was...
Going out frequently, work actively in making new circles, if you can put some effort into it, specially the first months, make different groups of people... Then you can go at your own pace but knowing you have people to meet weekly, monthly whatever your pace is...
Evaluate periodically the whole situation, each 6 months, pros/cons, likes, dislikes, etc, honestly reviewing trying to keep feelings just as a piece of the evaluation... Then you will be able to take a conscious decision by the whole situation
If you decide to Go back, make peace with it, it doesn't mean going backwards, nor that you made necessarily a mistake, it means you tried something new, didn't liked, and chose differently. Also if you decide this ... Make trips, a lot (if you like), before going back... You know it's cheaper to travel while having a base in Europe
Wish you the best!
Puppy_in_bin@reddit
Welcome home
Professional-Yak1392@reddit
It's super common to feel like this, for real. Lots of folks go through a tough patch or just know it ain't the right move yet. Your feelings are valid. Going back to Brazil to save and get ready for a try later sounds like a really smart plan. You learned so much already!
Independent_Drink714@reddit
You picked Spain for a reason. Has that reason changed?
8Lynch47@reddit
Try Portugal you might feel more comfortable there, no language problem.
Kiwiatx@reddit
I think it takes a minimum of a year to get through the first stage of feeling settled.
What was your motivation to move to Spain. Remember that.
Both__@reddit
You haven’t even given it a full chance. It takes a couple of years to fully adjust. Hang in there - you’re experiencing a place that will help you grow as a person. Find ways to build community for yourself. Find a roommate if money is tight. Stay the course.
MyLifeYourLifeUgh@reddit
It took me maybe like 7 months to make friends and find things I enjoyed when I moved to China. I ended up staying for 4 years. You should try taking local classes or finding things to participate in. Don’t be afraid to do things solo. You will find people doing the same. Start simple, go on like trip dot com and look for tour groups or cooking classes or some kind of group that offers different experiences in Spain. People you can relate to and listen to different perspectives of life from make living abroad so much better.
timeoutguy@reddit (OP)
Yeah, I'll try to take some Jiu jitsu classes here and see if I met someone to at least talk a little bit :)
timeoutguy@reddit (OP)
I work as software developer since 2020
CardiologistHead150@reddit
Dude!! You have Brazilian girls. What more you need. Im in a country with ugly girls. Less crime though.
timeoutguy@reddit (OP)
That’s not relevant here, Spanish girls are beautiful too
CardiologistHead150@reddit
It was relevant as in it was 1 more reason to not have moved.
alderson710@reddit
It is never easy to live abroad. It takes time to adapt.
greasemonk3@reddit
I’d say remember your motivation or goals you hoped to achieve for moving in the first place. Reevaluate them with how you feel now and if they’re still a priority.
Did you move for adventure? Or were you thinking of a more permanent move? Are you hoping to gain EU citizenship one day? What’s your mid-long term plan?
timeoutguy@reddit (OP)
I moved here with the goal of getting Spanish citizenship (after living legally for 2 years I can start the process) and to be closer to other European countries so I could travel more. But I started weighing everything, and I’m not sure if it’ll be worth it, so my mental state started going downhill
greasemonk3@reddit
IMO gaining citizenship would be a huge benefit in both the short and long term and unlock many doors if you choose to open them down the line.
Not just for you personally either, if you ever have kids, they’ll start life with a big advantage by inheriting Spanish/EU citizenship thanks to you. Or if your family ever wanted to move out of Brazil, you could help bring them to the EU as well.
Some food for thought, you could always go back to visit often while you’re in the process of gaining nationality.
IntelligentNight4143@reddit
I have moved abroad twice. The first time, one year during collage for exchange year. It was terrible. Small town, no real friends, bad grades. Traumatizing.
Second time for a job, still going strong after 3.5 years. In the beginning it was rough but I travelled every 2 months home just because I could. Now I travel less but definitely helped.
Most important to get acclimated to your new country: Make friends, slowly learn what you like of the new culture, have some routines. Give it 1 year and reevaluate, you can always go back home, but push through it a little bit.
phillyphilly19@reddit
From what I've read here, it would be odd if you didn't feel homesick this soon after your move. The advice is always to settle in and give yourself a break. You are learning to be an independent person and it can be tough at first. You may want to write down the reasons and goals you had in making this decision. Start doing the things you imagined you'd be doing. Go visit your friend. Ask your friend if they know anyone in your city. Look on reddit and social media for expat groups to join. Just breathe and take it day by day. P.S. If you rush home you might find a whole new disappointment; both in yourself and in your idealized view of your life at home.
Sea-Ticket7775@reddit
I really feel you on this one. I've seen this exact situation play out more times than I can count. I worked with someone last year who did almost the exact same thing. She lasted about three months in Spain before heading back. BUT you know what happened? She saved up for another year, traveled a bit, and then tried Portugal instead. Worked out way better the second time because she knew what she actually wanted.
One thing I'd suggest before you make the final call is give it another month or two if you can. Sometimes the 2-3 month mark is the worst. You're past the honeymoon phase but haven't built a real routine yet. But if after that you still feel the same way? Go home. There's no shame in it.
timeoutguy@reddit (OP)
Yeah, I was thinking about going back to Brazil and travel a little bit more before chosing a place to live.I barely know Brazil tbh
3yoyoyo@reddit
Honestly, it takes up to 1.5 to 2 years (depending on how social you are) to be able to build a network. It takes patience and time. 2 months is too early by any metric.
sus-is-sus@reddit
Try croatia