Major Decision to Take / Relocating to Europe
Posted by Away-Camp-8690@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 19 comments
Hi everyone,
I’m writing this because I’m about to make a major life decision and I’m feeling conflicted. I’d really appreciate hearing from other expats who’ve been through something similar.
I’m a 25-year-old Romanian currently living in the US. I’ve been here for about three years, first for my Master’s (Film & Writing), and now working in academia. But the truth is, I no longer feel happy here. I’ve decided to quit my job starting February, and I’ve already booked a ticket to Paris for January. The part I’m struggling with is what comes after that.
Right now, the two places I’m drawn to are France and Italy. They fit the lifestyle I want, and as a Romanian, the languages come relatively easily. At the same time, I’m scared to commit to a place. I’ve been moving around constantly since I was 19 (UK, Japan, US, etc.), and I feel like it’s finally time to build a life somewhere. Working in the arts and community-based fields means having a stable “home base” and long-term connections is especially important. I also feel like people have started to treat my "moving around" as red flags because I'm not reliable in that sense.
But I honestly don’t know where to go. I can’t keep relocating every few years; I end up feeling disconnected and inevitably I start to dislike wherever I am. I do not dislike the people or the experiences, just the place. I know no country is perfect, but how do you know when a place is right for you? I’m really drawn to France and Italy, but I’m afraid I won’t integrate well, that I won’t be accepted, or that it simply won’t be the right fit. These two countries do feel the closest to home though.
If you’ve been in a similar position, or if you’ve made a big international move based on lifestyle and values, what helped you decide? What advice would you give someone in my situation? What am I missing?
Thank you in advance.
ScotlandHighlander@reddit
Figure out where you can make enough money to support yourself and have a good life. There is no sense in living in Paris or Milan if you are struggling financially.
Away-Camp-8690@reddit (OP)
Right now, I have solid savings and an online job plus side gigs that allow me to support myself comfortably. Financially, I should be secure for the next five years or so even if it happens that I lose my job out of nowhere. I don’t have a family (I was orphaned at 14) and I’m not planning to start one, so my priority is simply starting over somewhere and focusing on my career.
For me, cities like Paris or Rome/Milan make sense professionally, they both have strong artistic and cultural scenes and it is all similar to what I grew up to in Romania, but I’m still unsure if I can truly see myself living in any of them for the next decade. I really don't know if it's a commitment issues or just a lack of a plan or just fear that I'm experiencing.
raenico67@reddit
I think Paris could be a great fit for you, especially with your arts background and your fluency in French. I’m not sure if you’re currently in NYC, but if you are, Paris can be a very natural transition. It has a relatively young population, about the same average age as New York, 38yo, according to a statistic I came across. Since you’ve already lived in France, the adjustment would likely feel even easier. Plus, there are plenty of expats and groups you could connect with in Paris.
Away-Camp-8690@reddit (OP)
Also I just noticed you're also in the process of moving there! When are you planning to do that?
raenico67@reddit
I’m thinking this summer or early fall. I’m checking Nice and will try to experience living there this winter to get a feel for the place. But I love Paris too. Friends told me I might get bored in Nice… but will see.
You also asked, ‘How do you know when a place is right for you?’ The first step is figuring out what actually matters to you - connection, diversity, access to outdoors, your personal interests, weather, food options and so on. I’d also suggest really experiencing the place. A short visit can give you a sense of the people, the atmosphere, the food and whether the overall vibe feels right for you. I did this when I explored Spain and it wasn’t right for me, then moved on to France. One added benefit on why I chose France is coz I speak a little French already, just A2 level.
Away-Camp-8690@reddit (OP)
Thank you so much, I believe so too, although I'm not really fluent in French! I can't see my self anywhere else other than Italy perhaps, but even so statistically it would be better for me to choose France for the opportunities. There's also Germany, which is fine, but I've never been attracted to it for some reason. It's saddening because I'm fluent in German, but perhaps that'll help me land some jobs in Paris paired with English and Romanian.
Arm_246@reddit
I’ve been through a similar move myself, so here’s my take.
France can be a really good base if you work with international teams. It’s easy to find community, people are generally welcoming, and life feels stable. The tough part is the language and the bureaucracy because both can be frustrating, but once you get used to them the rest feels worth it.
I haven’t lived in Italy, but from friends who have, the vibe is warmer and more laid-back, though career stability in creative fields can be harder unless you already have something lined up.
For me, choosing France came down to stability and an international community.
I’m also building a tool that helps people navigate EU bureaucracy and settle in more easily. If you ever want to try it, I’m happy to share.
raenico67@reddit
I’m interested in your tool. I’m in tech/product space so always open to new ideas. Also moving to FR soon. You can DM me.
Sufficient-Job7098@reddit
Place doesn’t have to be “right” for me.
I believe that any western developed countries ( and many lesser developed countries ) are sufficient for me to establish myself a home there.
Sure, I will pick country based on practical considerations: knowing language, having a job offer or having a good weather
but I don’t believe that a country has to have some sort of ambitious vibes, in order for me to eventually feel at home there.
I will set up home for myself in any decent country I will be moving
Away-Camp-8690@reddit (OP)
That does make sense and I agree! My only issue is that, in a way, the work I do is tied to the culture and the people from that country, so I do have to be a bit selective and make certain compromises. From my experience, France values its artists a lot, there's plenty of governmental funding for them, and French people tend to be very cultured. Not to say other countries aren't, but take Paris for example, it is a huge hub for fashion, film, writing, perfume and whatnot. Rome, my second choice, is similar, but I heard the Italian government isn't as generous. Yet, it would probably be hard to be acknowledge within the French society as a foreigner compared to Italy.
That's just one small example, there's a lot going on in my head that makes it difficult to compromise and choose.
Sufficient-Job7098@reddit
Well in that case you are picking the RIGHT country based on very practical criteria: good opportunities/good government funding for arts. So as long as your information is correct you are making a right decision.
So make sure you are move to country because you KNOW that France has good opportunities for artists
And make sure you are NOT moving to France based on “feelings” that France seems to have good opportunities for artists.
Professional-Yak1392@reddit
It's tough feeling conflicted, but your desire for stability is totally valid. France and Italy, both have great community life for arts people. Try a longer stay, maybe a short-term job or volunteer, to see daily life beyond tourism. Building local connections, that's really key to settling in.
FinestTreesInDa7Seas@reddit
I wouldn't move to France for work unless you can speak French at a B2 level at minimum. You will have a very hard time finding work here below that level of French proficiency.
I'm living in Paris right now, and I speak French somewhere around B1 level, and I know for a fact that I wouldn't survive in a workplace with this level of French.
That's not to say that there aren't people working in Paris with B1 level French, but you'll just struggle to find those jobs, and they might not be in your industry/field.
Away-Camp-8690@reddit (OP)
I've heard that's the case indeed. I have my B2 DELF from 5 years ago but honestly my French isn't as good as it used to be. I can understand almost everything as it's very similar to Romanian and I have studied French in the past, but when I went to Paris over the summer I could not speak a word of French due to anxiety and just having a difficult time "processing" live lol
FinestTreesInDa7Seas@reddit
With some practice you might not have a hard time getting back to B2.
Yeah I know the feeling. I moved to Paris in 2007, and I spoke French around the B2 level at that time. In 2008 I moved back to Canada, and used French very infrequently (I'm not great with Canadian French).
Earlier this year I was living in the US, and I started making plans to move to France again when the US politics started going into the toilet. I started doing French lessons again to get myself comfortable with it again. With about 6 months of work, I felt comfortable with French again.
Then I arrived in Paris 2 months ago, and I could hardly hold a conversation with anyone. I could read, and understand most spoken French (as long as it wasn't too fast or too technical). But I couldn't hold a conversation without struggling. I've been doing lessons here daily, and I've improved to the point that I can keep up in conversation.
It's a good thing I'm not here to work, because I'm probably about another 6 months to 1 year away from being comfortable enough with French that I could successfully find a job.
Away-Camp-8690@reddit (OP)
I feel the same, I'd probably need at least 6 months to get back into it. For that reason I've been contemplating moving to a small city for starters, something like Nice or somewhere cheaper in the South. Would you recommend moving straight to Paris?
FinestTreesInDa7Seas@reddit
I'm not very familiar with other cities in France, other than visiting a number of them.
But from what my friends have told me, the requirements for French get stricter outside of Paris.
The advice I've heard from friends is that if you want to find work as an English speaker in Paris, look for work at startup companies. Most of my friends are employed in tech roles, and they all agree that most startup companies operate in English primarily, but still often use French.
Away-Camp-8690@reddit (OP)
That's good to know, thank you! I hope I'm not being annoying with the questions, but how do you feel about Paris compared to the US right now? One of the reasons I'm leaving is also the current political situation. I do hear that Paris isn't doing well in certain areas either, so are there things I should be concerned about and prepare myself for other than the language barrier?
FinestTreesInDa7Seas@reddit
Admittedly, I'm a bit ignorant regarding the current political and social situation here. My social circle isn't large, so I mostly know what I've researched (because I was concerned like you).
There are definitely small traces of the same issues that the US is facing (growing right-wing support), but not nearly to the same extreme as the US.
Most of the political issues here right now are stemming from political instability. François Bayrou's government was defeated in a vote of no-confidence recently, and since then there has been another failed government (which holds the record for the shortest lived government in the country's history). So there have been a few Prime Ministers in office in a short period of time.
This has resulted in some extreme measures in budget cuts, and people are questioning the future of some social services.
Honestly, I don't feel like things are bad here. But maybe someone who is more settled here might feel different.