Anon doesn't get the hint

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magicarnival@reddit

IDK that's on the girl I think. She should've said something like "I'm going to a party tonight, but I don't have anyone to go with. Do you wanna come with me?" Expecting anon to invite himself to the party is kinda weird.

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bartholomewjohnson@reddit (OP)

I was raised to believe that it's rude to invite yourself to someone else's party.

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MadcatFK1017@reddit

Because it is, you're correct

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QueenSylvy@reddit

Why?

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coomerzoomer@reddit

Are you autistic?

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Prisccc@reddit

if you were wanted there you would’ve been invited, unless there’s a +1/open invite scenario, you shouldn’t just invite yourself

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Elkku26@reddit

In general sure but here the hint is so obvious. You can easily respond with "I could come with you if you'd like" which is open but doesn't pressure the other party.

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Most-Stomach4240@reddit

I mean, what are they gonna tell you? "No anon, i don't think that's a good idea..."? It's a stupid opener that puts both parties in an uncomfortable position and could have negative effects on the relationship afterwards

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Marsium@reddit

It’s really not that deep. If she didn’t want OP to come along, then she would’ve made up some white lie like “it’d be awkward for you, you don’t know anyone there” or “I was kinda iffy about going anyways”. People who understand social cues would understand that as a “no,” because as you mention, directly and explicitly saying “no, I don’t want you there” could be interpreted as quite rude.

It’s not putting anyone in an uncomfortable situation to ask someone if they’d like you to come along to a party as long as you respect their answer, whether it’s explicit or implicit.

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Most-Stomach4240@reddit

I'm absolutely the kind of person to go "I don't mind if I don't know them, it'll be fun!" without realizing the undertone, it's just a lame way to give a "i don't wanna hurt you :(" non-answer

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Marsium@reddit

Even if you did interpret it that way, I think their continued pushback would eventually clue you in. The point I was making is that unless you get pissy or insecure over it, it really isn’t that uncomfortable for either party. It might be a tiny bit awkward but tiny awkward moments should not really affect your relationships, particularly with coworkers.

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Most-Stomach4240@reddit

I would struggle to talk to them afterwards for quite a while because I'd imagine not getting the hint for like 10 minutes comes off as very creepy

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Marsium@reddit

I mean, it really depends on the context and vibe of the conversation.

Let’s say you ask if you can come, she expresses apprehension/hesitance, you clarify that you’d be totally fine with it, she continues to express hesitance & various reasons why it might not be a great idea. If this continues for 10 minutes, you’re essentially pressuring her into either lying to you or being outright rude to you; either way, you’re making her uncomfortable.

Alternatively, let’s say the same situation happens: you ask if you can come along, she’s iffy about it, you clarify that it’d be totally cool with you, she’s still iffy about it, and then you go “no worries, you’re all good, have fun tonight then!” That is a 100% normal and respectful social interaction.

The creepiness comes from pushiness and a refusal to accept “no” for an answer, not merely asking if she’s ok with you coming along. Especially because this entire dilemma was preceded by her talking about her Halloween plans *with OP.” If OP had overheard her telling her friend “I don’t have anyone to go with to this halloween party!” over the phone and later asked if he could come with her, it’d be a lot creepier because the question would stem from OP’s eavesdropping rather than a conversation.

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Most-Stomach4240@reddit

Don't be an autist

Wow, why didn't i think of that. Riveting insight.

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LemonFlavoredMelon@reddit

What's wrong with asking directly? Who gives a shit if they say no to the invite...

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Marsium@reddit

You misread my comment. I said responding directly (bluntly) would be rude, i.e., OP says “oh I’d be down to come with you if that’s cool?” and she responds “no, I don’t really want you there.”

While it may be true, saying it that way makes it come off as a personal attack. Most people would say something like “oh idkkk I feel like you just wouldn’t have a good time, everyone who’s going has known each other for years so you’d probably feel left out,” etc. It’s direct enough to say “you probably shouldn’t go because xyz;” if you go beyond that and say “I don’t want you going, I’m afraid you’ll make it weird” you’re just being rude, even if it’s true.

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Riventh@reddit

only if you are ugly

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Kreiger81@reddit

in case this is you or you're ever in this situation, it is perfectly acceptable to reach out to them and be like "Hey, i kinda derped, thats my bad. I'd like to take you out sometime to make it up to you"

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Outrageous_Space_103@reddit

Let me buy you dinner and apologize for not picking up a vague hint that you expected me to invite myself to a party I've never heard of.

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Kreiger81@reddit

Yeah, exactly. Welcome to socializing like an adult, especially when navigating the dance of potential intimate relationships. You have to compromise a little.

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Outrageous_Space_103@reddit

Or, instead of apologizing for nothing say: how was your haloween party? Very cool, I ended up doing fuck all, but I'm doing X this weekend, want to come along?

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Disastrous-Ad2800@reddit

LMFAO... even though you are correct, the 'IDK that's on the girl I think' attitude as a guy is not gonna get you far in the dating game... in this situation the safest thing would have been for the female coworker to say, "yeah I'm going to a Halloween party and just seeing if anyone else from work is interested"... but yeah that requires decent communication skills... dating is fun.... NOT!

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LemonFlavoredMelon@reddit

Why not just advocate for women to be a bit more forward instead of telling dudes it's kind of their fault?

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Supershadow30@reddit

Real asf. A gentleman would not force himself into the life of an acquainted woman, especially not at work. Like it’s just asking for trouble, unless they’re friends enough!

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make_reddit_great@reddit

It's not weird, it's normal behavior for a woman. If the man's interested, he should say "hey, I'm free!" and then watch her reaction. If she quickly responds with something like "that would be great", ideally with a bit of enthusiasm, then you're good to go. If she hesitates, or gives a microexpression of surprise, be prepared to laugh it off with something like "no worries, i don't have a costume anyway."

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Riventh@reddit

this is the best response, I still don't know why people are in both extremes whenever this middle ground exist

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amcrastinator@reddit

it does get weird if you’re co-workers though because the situation is likely to present itself again in some manner. so now you have to decide whether to try again or just tell her to call an escort service.

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No-Admin1684@reddit

Don't be silly, women don't put themselves in a position to get rejected like this, that's the man's job.

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DarkScorpion48@reddit

This is the right answer. This shit is wired even into fish.

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LemonFlavoredMelon@reddit

To be fair, with how men are conditioned from women telling us to leave them alone, and having catfishers on every corner of the internet, it's obvious that we're going to have subtle hints thrown over our heads.

Until you literally fucking tell us, we're not even gonna think about it.

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Responsible_Pass1081@reddit

C. Can't tell

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rip-droptire@reddit

Ah, a fellow Casually Explained turbovirgin I see

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Responsible_Pass1081@reddit

My fleshlight begs to differ.

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NoSoup4you22@reddit

This isn't a real thing people do.

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papabrisket0@reddit

Are you sure? I’m pretty certain that im the main character.

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dexter2011412@reddit

She didn't mean anything. If she wanted you to come she would've asked. Don't delude yourself.

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VGK_hater_11@reddit

Not true whatsoever

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Smimmingly3@reddit

I swear, there needs to be a “how to read people” class for autistic people

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outland_king@reddit

Or, and this is crazy, people could just say what they want

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foxferreira64@reddit

That is the most straightforward way to ask out without actually mentioning it. She was testing his interest, and the moron anon is accidentally showed he had none.

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outland_king@reddit

Its a good to move from a girl perspective so she is never rejected. If he says " ok cool have fun" thats just him not understanding so no rejection. If he asks to come with, the she holds all the power. Its a silly psychological tactic people use to never feel vulnerable.

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outland_king@reddit

Dumb woman moment.

Everyone thats not a toddler knows its usually seen as bad form to invite yourself to an event. So her dumb ass should have asked.

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Invulnerablility@reddit

Autism is a superpower btw *

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Ascle87@reddit

She probably just wanted to be friends either way. Good for anon that he’s autistic so he doesn’t get his feelings crushed.

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hyperblob1@reddit

Congratulations she's at bare minimum interested in you and it's only been a day. Take her apple picking or something

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Vewix@reddit

Coworker dodged a bullet considering Anon rates women by number and calls them females

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Lukester___@reddit

Anon avoids getting his organs harvested once more

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YouWillBeMissedLp@reddit

Continue the cope. There was never a chance.

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Sparta63005@reddit

Its still rude to invite yourself to someone else's event though. If she wanted to go with you it's sort of on her to invite you.

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Okboomer95@reddit

Semi related, was good friends with an older coworker. She had a hot daughter around my age. Daughter would chat with me often when she came to visit her mom. One time, she said we should do a couples costume thing for Halloween. I agreed, we shared numbers. I was so excited. But after a couple texts she just changed her mind and dropped it. She did the idea with a girl friend instead. Still went to the party but felt pretty shit. Why did she get my hopes up just to crush them? And no, my texts weren't the issue (I've done that before too).

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Never_The_Hero@reddit

Been there. Did the same thing years ago with a girl that told me 3 times in a row she was bored and was looking for something to do that weekend; she asked if I had any ideas. I told her no, but I hope she found something and walked away. I still beat myself up to this day.

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Portfel@reddit

"Would you like to go with me?"

It's that fucking simple

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destroyerOfTards@reddit

Anon is 2/10 so she didn't bother asking him

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EmilieEasie@reddit

There's definitely going to be people in the comments saying she should have just been direct even though they themselves wouldn't be able to utter 2 words to someone they were interested in, much less drop hints.

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Absolutemehguy@reddit

It's rude to impose such stuff on people and put them on spot. I'm sorry your parents weren't there to teach you such manners.

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EmilieEasie@reddit

I don't think you meant to imply that saying more than 2 words to someone is rude. I think you just struggle with reading.

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Absolutemehguy@reddit

It is rude to impose on people and self-invite to the plans of other people. This is like one of the basics of social interaction. It's how I was raised. If anon's coworker, or you, had such an upbringinging you wouldn't expect something like this.

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rip-droptire@reddit

Fake: Redditors are "interested in people"

Gay: Dropping hints

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RedRoses711@reddit

to be fair stuff like this isn't as obvious when you're actually having the conversation. good thing almost everything i say can be taken as a joke so sometimes it works out works out when im joking but they think im serious

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