ADHD in midlife - AFAB

Posted by CA_Dreaming23@reddit | GenX | View on Reddit | 28 comments

I’ve done a search so I know I’m not alone, but I just need to share. After losing yet another job (but with glowing reports about my attitude and work ethic), my therapist suggested I look into inattentive ADHD, as it presents differently in women.

I did, and I am deeply shaken. It seems silly and cliche, but I always knew there was something “wrong” with me, but I am not hyper or overly impulsive so I never thought.

I’ve dealt with: PTSD, depression, anxiety (GAD with panic). Both of my kids are either on the spectrum or have processing disorders. It all makes sense. My mom even had me privately screened by some shrink in the 80s to keep me out of special ed. All anyone remembers is “your IQ was good.”

I have felt like a failure for so so long. Is this “all” it’s been????

My whole life it was “try harder” or “focus,” but I always tried so very hard. E

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sungodly@reddit

Last week I was talking to my son (who was diagnosed with ADHD when he was eight, and in his twenties still deals with it) and mentioned that I realized that maybe I have a touch of that. His response? "Oh, you didn't know? I've known for years that you have ADHD. You have so many of the same issues I have." So that was enlightening.

I'll be honest, though, I'm not real excited about medicating for it. Does anything work other than amphetamines? I just don't think I want to take them.

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KlausVonMaunder@reddit

Wise choice, IMO. Do you feel you have a deficit of attention or does it feel to be more of a "pan attentiveness," as if you're taking it ALL in at once? I know a few who had been "diagnosed" as ADHD in their teens, 40 years later, they've said it was never a deficit, just a widely distributed field of attention, a slightly different operating system so to speak. I do not think this is always, if at all, a disorder.

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sungodly@reddit

It's definitely more of a deficit. Inability to focus on a task for very long, procrastination, overactive internal dialog. I've been self medicating with caffeine for years but it has its limitations.

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greenblue_md@reddit

Ditto here. Just drink my coffee and cope. At 51 with an advanced degree and a good career, it has worked reasonably well. Not sure I’d have gotten through school if smartphones and constant internet access had existed.

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Affectionate_Board32@reddit

Whatever med you get make sure it's the extended release. This worked tremendously for my progeny and we started since decades ago just trying to figure things out. XR Then Vyvanse (it also works as an extended release better than the Adderall) made all the difference. Each person is different and your dosage should reflect your needs. So, start small and go up in dosage as needed but we usually had to increase every annual physical.

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KlausVonMaunder@reddit

I wonder how many know what the standard, accepted treatments for ADHD actually are:

https://www.healthline.com/health/adhd/how-do-adderall-and-meth-methamphetamine-differ

https://www.or-nc.com/the-difference-between-meth-and-crystal-meth/

https://www.drugs.com/compare/methamphetamine-vs-ritalin

"On the other hand, there’s a legal form of meth that’s prescribed for ADHD treatment.

“Many will be shocked to learn that there is a Food and Drug Administration (FDA)-approved medication for the treatment of ADHD that is, in fact, methamphetamine,” reveals Khan.

This type of meth is found under the brand name Desoxyn “and is the only legal meth product (available),” he adds.

Compared with illegal meth, Brody explains, prescribed stimulants such as Adderall and Desoxyn :

can be taken legally"

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EmergencyHunt5425@reddit

I am confused. Why does everyone need to get medicated to deal with life? Why do you need to be told by someone that something is wrong with you? I think it is who you are and experience. It not fair. Life doesn’t always work out the way think. Maybe it’s not you maybe it is them.

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Gluverty@reddit

ADHD is a hereditary medical condition that greatly affects dopamine distribution in the brain. Life can be harder, less fulfilling, all beyond will control or fortitude to fix it. Impulse control and focus can greatly affect finances, career,relationships and even recreation and leisure. But with awareness and in many cases medication, life can really open up for people. No need to judge, nobody is forcing it on you.

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kategoad@reddit

Same here. I was having trouble at work, and was let go before I get in to see the psychiatrist.

I read some books, and talked to the dr. And we both think at the very least I have ADHD, and potentially autism.

I talked to my mom about it, and she agreed with me, and was helpful with other things. I was smart and didn't have any behavioral problems at school, so everyone assumed all was well. They didn't test you if you were smart and well-behaved. Especially girls. We were all raised as rule followers, so I just always did what I was supposed to. If you know the rules intellectually, it makes it easier to know what you need to do to mask appropriately.

One of the vaguely amusing things my mom pointed out was that my sister in law said I was the smartest person she's met (and we have some doozies in our family). I spent my youth thinking that the gifted classes were for the dumb kids. And that people were just being kind when they said I was smart.

I think COVID broke me. Not the illness (knock wood, I'm NOVID thus far), but the fact that I could cocoon with my spouse for a couple of years. I came out of lockdown having lost every last one of my fucks. I made an intentional effort to be out in the world again. But People are exhausting. Add this to a detailed yet boring set of tasks (9 page process touching five different systems, and no room for creativity 40 hours per week), and it just didn't work for me.

I'm hoping to return to my old job with a bunch of tax nerds like me and do research and writing.

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gotsthegoaties@reddit

I had to figure out I was ADHD myself. Just so mad about all the wasted years. So many things I could have done. But I’m in a new renaissance now. Since I started meds I became a published author and I’m getting back into art too. I mourn for my lost potential, but I’m moving forward.

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HowdIGetHere21@reddit

Thanks for the post! My (51f) daughter (22) was diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago. Something I would have sworn up and down she couldn't have. I saw the questionnaire they gave her and was shocked at a lot of the questions. These things aren't just normal personality quirks? Since then I've been meaning to make an appointment to be tested, but you know, I didn't. Until I saw your post this morning. I wish you luck and hope the diagnosis helps you.

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mr_oof@reddit

I feel like so much of our personalities could be described as ‘undiagnosed xxx’

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70sRitalinKid@reddit

We are of the generation when “hyperkinetic reaction of childhood” became ADD and then ADHD. This condition was typically treated during school as the goal for most parents was to just get the kid to graduate.

There was a study that looked at how ADHD effects evolved in people through their mid twenties, but I haven’t seen anything exploring how it evolves further. The understanding was that “you grow out of it” but I suspect that many simply adapt with various strategies of their design.

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Majik_Sheff@reddit

I "grew out of it" by dragging my adult ass to the doctor to get tested and treated.

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70sRitalinKid@reddit

May I ask at what age and how were you treated?

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feder_online@reddit

The understanding was that “you grow out of it” but I suspect that many simply adapt with various strategies of their design.

My college roommate and I are both ADHD and we both use home-grown strategies to manage day-to-day; he also has anxiety, so our strategies are not necessarily the same. If I don't have routine, I am worthless, whether it is work or just making sure I brush my teeth.

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kckitty71@reddit

I had to look back and make sure that I didn’t write this post. The “I knew that I was different” part is something I’ve said. No one had ever mentioned neurodivergence to me until about 6 months ago. I went to EMDR therapy for help with a repressed trauma that I had experienced when I was 12. I remembered my trauma 40 years later. Anyway, I spent an hour with a new therapist and she told me that I am neurodivergent and I have sensory processing disorder. WHAT?!?! No one ever suggested that I am Autistic/ADHD. A lot of things have come up since I started menopause, so I think that reduction in hormones “helped” me unmask. I’m really new to this, but I’ve learned a lot. I love coming to reddit and finding out that I’m not alone. I’ll be 53 next week and I feel like my life is just beginning. Btw, I have had trouble keeping a job my whole life.

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Balasarius@reddit

My wife developed ADHD and it's terrible. She forgets everything. I ask her to do something, she forgets. She forgets plans. She forgets to take her ADHD medicine. Forgets to order more. She just started a new job. I'm hoping to hell she's passionate about it and interested enough that ADHD symptoms don't manifest while working.

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Snow_Tiger819@reddit

Apparently ADHD cannot develop in adulthood, you either have it or you don't (my husband was late-diagnosed so I've done some reading).

Given this is a GenX group, it's quite a bit more likely she's experiencing perimenopause. Many women experience brain fog/ridiculous forgetfulness after being super organised previously (I count myself as one of them!). HRT has definitely helped, if she's not taking it already I'd recommend she look into it, it might help :-)

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Geezerker@reddit

54 years old here, I was diagnosed with ADHD last year and the doc gave me a prescription. It has made a WORLD of difference! I don’t notice it until I retired from teaching and opened my own business. Turns out normal people have attention spans longer than a school class!

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arden1970@reddit

This is me! At the same age. College would have been so much less painful (and relationships) had I known.

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michele-x@reddit

The story looks familiar. I think that in the '70s and in the 80s ADHD wasn't recognized and autism was considered only if a child was nonverbal and with low IQ. But you have an high IQ, doing exercise in high school was a breeze, but you didn't get friends. You grow, you still feel not ok, different, but somewhat you fake it and struggle your life. Get a degree, but you continue to feel different. Then for some reason, maybe because after the lockdown you felt down, decide to go to a psych. And they say, that looks ADHD, makes you fill a test, and bam! 95% probability you have ADHD.

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HTLM22@reddit

This hits for two reasons. 1) I am medicated mild Autistic / ADHD combo. I make it work, but it is hard. 2) My 17 year old daughter is obviously also. We are both "gifted"

I really don't want to wait until she is in her 40s to address it so that she is employable. But it is hard.

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JordanKohanim@reddit

AuDHD is a whole dang thing and SO hard to get diagnosed as a female.

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XTingleInTheDingleX@reddit

I got diagnosed in my 30’s after graduating college. Life would have been much simpler knowing.

Currently untreated for insurance reasons. It’s a struggle.

Working on a diagnosis for my 13 year old because it’s even worse for him.

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