For people who host(ed) Ukrainian refugees, how’s it going?

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goldenlioncrow@reddit

I think it's great that people have hosted Ukrainian refugees. I've met several and done some work with them. Lovely people. And yes, often feel safe enough to return home for visits. I am curious though - as it's just been in the news that refugee homelessness is at an all-time high (up about 120% on last year) and I personally work with/know of charities that are having to hand out sleeping bags for rough sleeping to refugees - would you house someone feeling the horrors of Sudan (for example). Why were/are we willing to help Ukrainians but not Eritreans, Sudanese, Syrians, Iraqis, Iranians, Afghanis?

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Consistent_Seat2676@reddit

I also think gender makes a big difference. A lot of the Ukrainians seemed to be women and children since most of the men were conscripted, whereas a large part of the people who dare make the boat route are families or single men.

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Crowf3ather@reddit

Nail on the head. Children and Mothers/Women are seen as not threatening.

Men however, are seen as threatening.

Congratulations on your superior knowledge and the impressive way you demonstrated it.

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How to have a serious conversation:

1.rigorous and clear use of language to establish common understanding 2.active listening 3.accepting that we all have bias that influence our thinking 4.above all - good faith.

So firstly it's important to define what we mean by "Ukraine". Are we discussing the State, the Government, the society the geographic region, an ethnic group or the wider population? I would first point out that the State and the people are separate (but largely codependent) elements so if we are using "Ukraine" as a shorthand for the people then it is a poor employment of the word. No society or population is a monolith. Any organisation or group is made up of it's constituent elements each of which may have very differing opinions, experiences, abilities, influences or intents.

'wants to be Russian' is a very vague phrase that covers a lot of potential meanings and has a weighted implied assumption in this context and current environment. Do you mean people who see themselves as Russian by genetic heritage, Russian by cultural tradition, want to be administered by the Russian state, or want to be part of a breakaway state subservient to Russia? Also do you mean these individuals want this currently right now or they wanted it when polled before their region became a warzone? For an assertion like that I would also want to see what data you were working with so that we could interrogate it rigorously and honestly in the open.

It seems to me to be premature to ascribe the idea of cognitive dissonance to these two very amorphous concepts.

So if you are interested in a serious conversation I would suggest we start by addressing these points to define a common frame of understanding.

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palebluedot365@reddit

Then you probably should have just stated your position and asked your question rather than affecting ignorance on the subject. It was disingenuous to the other Redditor.

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Competitive_Art_4480@reddit

But like I said it just depends into pointlessness and anger.

And really If you are honest i did state my position. I just made out I wasn't as clued up as I am.

Most people took it as sarcasm I'm pretty sure.

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GlueSniffingEnabler@reddit

Ah so you were just testing me. How clever you are /s. You think all Scots want to be British? You think all Northern Irish want to be British? This is nothing new. It’s all about a few narcissists that think they know best and their scared subjects who look to them for protection. A tale as old as time. Most choose the side that they think gives them the best chance of survival.

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GlueSniffingEnabler@reddit

Hardly anyone wanted to be part of Russia, but quite a few “Ukrainians”, mainly from oblasts on the east side of the Dnipro river, do want independence from Ukraine and feel closer to Russia. The reasons for this become clearer when you start reading about Russification.

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pussyseal@reddit

Many ethnic Russians have settled in these regions as Russia intentionally relocated people there after the famine in the 1930s and World War II to erase cultural identities. Ethical Ukrainians were moved to Siberia, as slaves to build their industrial complex. My family was one of them.

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It's inevitable a few rats slip onto any ships. I'm based in Liverpool now and the Ukrainians have been a joy to the city. Eurovision being hosted here allowed everyone to reflect on and celebrate the integration in the best way possible. Hopefully it's only a temporary home, but I'd like to think many are happy and settled.

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pussyseal@reddit

I agree that the majority of Ukrainians in the UK are decent hard-working people despite their gender and the reason they came here. However, they massively abused the visa system, making it harder for people in need to come here.

I couldn't host a friend of a friend from the occupied region because I’m not a citizen.

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keybers@reddit

abused the VISA system???? are you aware that it's harder to come to the UK on a visa rather than as a refugee?

And how does you not being a citizen reflect on someone else's use, or abuse, or lack of use or abuse of a VISA system?

Also, from an "occupied region"? It sounds like some people who were too ready to take a Russian passport in the occupied region (those people are NOT the majority there) then found out that claiming they are Ukrainian refugees but using a Russian passport a problem?

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palebluedot365@reddit

“Decent hard-working people despite their gender”?

I'm not going to begrudge an apparently single mother, in a strange country fleeing war, who may well be completely traumatised - OP is not giving me particularly compassionate vibes in that assessment - deciding not to get herself down the Amazon warehouse. Yes that may not be the case, but like, I'd rather give the benefit of the doubt when it comes to war refugees...

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ofagreatmystery@reddit

We could maybe give op the same benefit of the doubt and say that if the woman was recently bereaved, op would have mentioned it? Just would seem kind.

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MinuteLeopard@reddit

Agreed. There are so many traumatised Ukrainian refugees here, for all kinds of reasons. Even leaving everything behind and not feeling stability can do awful things to your mental health never mind having family members injured or worse.

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HappyLittleHermit@reddit

Not to mention the mental energy it takes to be around other people 24/7 who speak a language you don't speak fluently. That can be mentally and physically exhausting

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Jim-Biscuits@reddit

I’d like to think that the refugee program would be a bit more thought out than to send a deeply traumatised mother and son to a random man’s house. The fact that OP doesn’t sound compassionate, says a lot about their experience.

Thankfully we are having this conversation in English and not German because your grandparent’s and my parent’s generation didn’t think that in June 1940.

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CheeryOutlook@reddit

At no point across the second world war did Germany, or the entire Axis have an industrial capacity similar to that of the UK or the Allies. We never ran out of ammunition or saw the enemy start producing and firing vastly more than us, and that's why we won.

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Capital-Reference757@reddit

Believe it or not, a lot of people fly back to their home country to visit friends and family, even if that country is at war or in conflict. It’s a calculated risk they take to see their loved ones again.

I knew a Ukrainian lady who didn’t go back to Ukraine, because she lived in Kharkiv and it’s absolutely destroyed now so there’s nowhere to return.

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Qualifiedadult@reddit

Can attest to lots of my relatives visiting my family at various points when our country was in a civil war / people were being genocided.

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SnooTomatoes3032@reddit

Kharkiv isn't absolutely destroyed, although it's taken and continues to take a real hammering. It's definitely not a safe place to visit.

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Capital-Reference757@reddit

I guess I should have been specific. She told me that her families house and the business they were running has been destroyed, and this has been confirmed by their friends and neighbours who either returned or stayed. And that her family are currently abroad so there is no reason to return

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SnooTomatoes3032@reddit

I'm not Ukrainian, but I lived in Kharkiv last year. I wouldn't recommend anyone to return to it and completely understand anybody who would not want to. There's at least one attack a day and it's been like that since the start.

TeaCourse@reddit

Amen.

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Leather-Ad-125@reddit

Surely a long mother arriving in a new country fleeing war claiming what she's entitled to, legally, is just responsible parenting?

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NotAllHerosEatCreps@reddit

It's an indicator for sure

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Leather-Ad-125@reddit

Or maybe knowing what you are entitled to as a lone mother arriving in a new country is just responsible parenting?

Yeah I don't get it, do we expect people fleeing war to come here and immediately be productive? They obviously don't want to live here permanently and would return to Ukraine if it was viable long term. Why take in a refugee if you aren't going to give them any grace

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Stocktort@reddit

Wow there's some callous comments in here. I teach an 8 year old Ukrainian boy and the things he has seen are horrific. He is nervous and afraid in class. His mum is working at the school but looks broken. They occasionally go back to Ukraine to see family. It seems we simply can't quite put ourselves in their shoes for why they would want to go back to Ukraine. Most of the time it is to see/care for vulnerable family.

HamCheeseSarnie@reddit

So traumatized she went back for a holiday.

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Brexit-Broke-Britain@reddit

I think I knew better, certainly better than you.

Why go back for a holiday? It has been reported that some Ukrainians have been going back for dental treatment, business and etc, staying for a week or less. Another nearby Ukrainian went back to Odessa to meet friends, but came back saying she preferred life in the UK.

But a month? Nothing to do with the fact that that is the maximum time claimants on UC can leave the UK without losing benefits, of course.

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SwiftJedi77@reddit

That makes sense then, why would she deliberately make herself and her son poorer by staying in Ukraine too long? Are you seriously asking why someone whose country has been invaded would want to see her family, friends and try and spend quality time with them?

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Neat_Expression_5380@reddit

She fecked off to Ukraine on ‘holiday’ and left her son with you…

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Brexit-Broke-Britain@reddit

Yes, although he was 18+

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Tammer_Stern@reddit

MariaVonTrapped2021@reddit

Hmm, not entirely accurate. Every Ukranian refugee who has an approved visa is on a government database and there are lines specifically set up for them to call where they will receive guidance on what to do on their arrival to the UK. Advice on things like travel, accommodation, education, medical guidance, and yes, any benefits or help they may be entitled to.

There are also organisations like The Scottish Refugee Council, who do an amazing job helping people, before they leave Ukraine and once they arrive in Scotland. So to say they have never spoken to anyone about this in UK before they come is wildly inaccurate.

To deny someone help when they are literally fleeing for their lives is amoral, and to call returning to your wartorn homeland for however long as a "holiday" is just ridiculous.

Maybe you should have taken the time to understand her situation and trauma a bit more instead of making her feel worse with flippancy like "if its alright for a holiday don't bother to come back" which shows such a lack of empathy I cannot fathom why you signed up for the program in the first place.

I speak to people on a daily basis who are still fleeing Ukraine, I have mothers and fathers sobbing on the phone, terrified for their children. Bombs going off in the background and lines going dead....

But yeah, she probably came for the benefits and the free tins of soup.

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Brexit-Broke-Britain@reddit

Have a look at the time scale.

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BadgerSame6600@reddit

So what, pal??? Imagine- Britain is being invaded and bombed, you have to leave pretty sharpish to a country you have likely never been and know no one. You don't think you'd get all the info you could to make sure you weren't just going to end up starving and homeless. Plus, fuck going to work in that situation. If a job turns up and you can and want to, then go ahead, but the situation she left is hardly productive of the working mentality. Maybe she just needed to chill and reflect and feel safe for a bit. Also, it's not a holiday when you'd risk life and limb to see loved ones because she was probably desperately lonely and scared. Have some compassion.

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“Holiday”. Doing your best to make it sound like someone visiting their war torn country is on a jolly eh.

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Brexit-Broke-Britain@reddit

That was the reason son gave me.

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Qualifiedadult@reddit

Copy pasted from another comment I replied to: Can attest to lots of my relatives visiting my family at various points when our country was in a civil war / people were being genocided.

But they absolutely didn't visit in the very final months of the war. I am glad so many of them did visit, given how many relatives did die - if they hadn't, the ones alive now wouldn't have seen the ones back home for at least 20, 30 years and then not at all after they died.

Its likely that she felt that this could be her last chance to see some of her relatives. You never know when or how they could die.

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bluecheese2040@reddit

Fascinating how ukraines too dangerous but people keep going back there on holiday.

I don't blame them tbh. Must be hard. But from the outside it's an odd thing.

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arilalia@reddit

> collecting ever more food and non consumables from the food bank.

Being in an active warzone changes people. Hoarding things is probably not the most surprising thing. Russia constantly threatens to nuke UK on TV. She probably didn't feel safe at all.

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Brexit-Broke-Britain@reddit

Some of which she then took back with her on her holiday to Ukraine to sell, so I was told.

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LifeChanger16@reddit

“So I was told” “her son told me” “XYZ told me”

Not entirely sure how i feel about this.

What motivation would you have if you was thrown in to a country with no cultural ties, language barriers. No friends or family. To say not to come back because 'its safe enough to visit' is WILD. People are still dying brother.

We appreciate what you did either way but maybe consider looking back on the experience from a different angle.

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lewisw1992@reddit

They were given free money in the form of UC?

Ffs, no wonder this country is screwed. Do you think any other country would have offered the same? China? India? Russia? I think not.

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OctopusIntellect@reddit

Yes absolutely, plenty of other countries offered similar schemes to legitimate refugees, and some countries were more generous than we were.

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StreetQueeny@reddit

NATO "expands" because nations feel threatened by Russian aggression. The 2022 invasion resulted in even more nations joining NATO.

Pretending the war is because Putin was scared of NATO, and not because he wanted resources, land and money from Ukraine, is asinine.

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meenmachimanja@reddit

This is the most insane narrative of all! What resources does Ukraine have that Russia dont already have? Fertiliser factories? hahaha Jesus!

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StreetQueeny@reddit

Yeah man who needs the grain fields that feed Africa, what could someone possibly do with those

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meenmachimanja@reddit

Ahh now the "feeding Africa" chestnut. Russia has land mass that covers 8 timezones, before Ukraine invasion. Also, Africa is fully capable of feeding itself. Next.

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StreetQueeny@reddit

Russia has land mass that covers 8 timezone

And sinxe Russian history is full of famines, that land mass must produce lots of food!

How do you feel about warm water ports

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meenmachimanja@reddit

OK This is where I stop responding you havent got a clue what you are on about. History of famine is a reason for Russia to attack Ukraine, which has a similar geology to Russia, to then feed Africa using warm water ports! OMG next level!

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StreetQueeny@reddit

There's not much point engaging properly with someone that unironically blames "NATO expansion" for a Russian war that keeps making new states join NATO lmao

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Month_Sharp@reddit

how about you do some research buddy? maybe educate yourself a bit. look up why ukraine is known as the breadbasket of Europe before you embarrass yourself even more

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Hobohobbit1@reddit

Acting like Russia hasn't had nukes pointed towards Europe since the start of the cold war...

"Don't want to defend themselves"??

We're talking about the people who have been fighting and holding off the Russians for two whole years now?

By strange coincidence, they'd actually lived in our town before

"So you would like to go to the UK?"

"Yes."

"What do you know about it?"

"We lived there before, and in fact still have friends there."

"Great! Where?"

"It's ."

"Let's see if we can get you back there, then."

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apjashley1@reddit

Still hosting, it’s 2.3 years now. We have our ups and downs but largely they’re just considered part of the family.

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TheRealDanSch@reddit

My parents took in a family with a toddler and a 12yo kid. After a year it was become a bit much for all of them but the family couldn't find anywhere to rent because of their lack of credit/renting history. We ended up chipping in with some family members to buy a house for them to rent cheaply.

They were so grateful and pleased to have their own place with a garden etc. They hosted about 15 fellow Ukrainians for Christmas last year and I honestly couldn't have been happier for them.

That is such a beautiful story and I’m so glad that they had that experience out of such tragedy

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UzbekPrincess@reddit

They’ve returned to Ukraine to visit family several times, and although at first we found that difficult to reconcile I understand it now. We’re just glad they feel secure and safe enough to do so, but their life is here now.

Meanwhile when brown refugees do the same thing 🤷🏻‍♀️

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Chance_Ad_469@reddit

I have the same level of empathy and understanding for all refugees regardless of where they fled. Please don’t mistake me.

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Chance_Ad_469@reddit

To add - she loved to cook for us as a way of showing love, which actually was one of the hardest things! Ukrainian food is not quite to my palette… we grew to love borscht but I will never ever eat a dumpling filled with mashed potatoes again in my life.

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eerst@reddit

I will never ever eat a dumpling filled with mashed potatoes again in my life.

FWIW, you can get the Polish ones in some larger supermarkets that have an Eastern European fridge.

I bought some and was not too keen. I found shallow frying them was the best way of cooking them. I will have to try them again not you have reminded me.

https://www.sainsburys.co.uk/gol-ui/product/virtu-russian-pierogi-400g

https://groceries.morrisons.com/products/virtu-dumplings-with-cheese-potatoes/106101627

In Canada we used to call them the Polish name—pierogi but as there was a big Ukrainian population, they were also called “patahay”.

I will never ever eat a dumpling filled with mashed potatoes again in my life.

no comprendo

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It is the fact they are settled in the UK and milking our benefits system. Kids are settled in schools. No sign of the war ending anytime soon. It doesn't look like a group that are planning to leave. Even if the war ends they'll be too settled in the UK to go back.

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TamaktiJunVision@reddit

Even if the war ends they'll be too settled in the UK to go back.

Thanks for taking the time to reply.

So a couple of takeaways. Correct me if I misunderstand.

Their belief was that it was dangerous to return but worth the risk temporarily. Returning to Ukraine confirmed this, or at least that they were better off/safer in the UK.

Their friends/families belief was that they were comfortable with the risk or didn't recognise it in the same way.

May I ask which part of Ukraine they're from?

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AussieManc@reddit

Wouldn’t you want to return to your country if you could?

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Rather_Unfortunate@reddit

The way you asked it suggested very strongly that you were asking a rhetorical question to score an anti-immigration point. If that genuinely wasn't your intention, I would have asked it in a more neutral way, e.g. "How was their new housing sorted out?" Or else included a little disclaimer to make your position clear.

Smooth_Leadership895@reddit

My current girlfriend is a refugee from Ukraine. It’s a long and complicated story but basically she’s from Kharkiv in the east. She is mixed half Russian, half Ukrainian and was a dual citizen of both countries until very recently. It was illegal for her to have dual Russian/Ukrainian citizenship but she just kept her mouth shut and they didn’t ever notice. She fled to Russia when the invasion began and stayed there in emergency housing in Voronezh for a few weeks. Then her family packed everything up and drove to Belarus where she and her mother and brother crossed into Poland. Her dad couldn’t because he’s a Russian citizen living in Ukraine and couldn’t get a visa for Poland. Anyway her family applied for the refugee scheme here and got visas to come here. They initially moved in with an older couple with a big house but they only stayed there 8 months. They found a place to rent by themselves and all 3 of them work full time to afford to live here. Sometimes she stays with me for a few days because we really enjoy each other’s company.

My girlfriend’s plan is to get her permission to stay here extended beyond December 2025 and get an unskilled worker visa or pathway visa because she was studying to be a doctor/dentist back in Ukraine. She plans to go to university and eventually naturalise as a British citizen. All 3 of them are very hardworking and will make anything out something regardless of what it is. She wants to go and live in Switzerland or the Channel Islands which is her end goal.

It hasn’t been easy for her and she does sometimes break down about it because the UK is a totally different place to Ukraine and Russia. Her family are trying to sponsor her dad so he can finally rejoin them after nearly 2 years being stuck in Belarus. She could speak English before she came here and doesn’t claim any benefits because she thinks it’s wrong to rely on the state that’s providing her with a safe environment to live away from an active war zone. It’s just the small things that she’s still learning like our social etiquette and how us being passive aggressive is normal and it’s not meant in a nasty way (sometimes it can). Honestly the stuff that’s happening over in Ukraine is absolutely disgusting and the fact that we’re idly standing by and watching what Russia’s military are actively doing to Ukrainian civilians in the areas that they have annexed should be stopped if so by force. My girlfriend has really opened my mind to what Ukraine is really like and why this conflict is happening and why both sides of the argument have a reason to argue without propaganda affecting the answers.

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TrueSpins@reddit

"my current girlfriend"...

“I live with my ex-girlfriend”

Yeah exactly! The only one who has broken the agreements is Russia. I understand slightly why some Ukrainians have favourable views on Russia. I think mainly because Ukraine, Belarus and Russia are peas in a pod. They don’t really know what it’s like to be without each other. Especially for Ukraine, they’ve been under Russian rule and influence for 300 years and the people don’t know what it’s like without Russia and it’s basically what a lot of people are comfortable with. Ukraine becoming a westernised democracy and an EU member is unknown to a lot of Ukrainians. All they’ve known is the Russian way. Not saying that I condone it it’s just how some people are.

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pussyseal@reddit

We didn't have any formal agreements with Russia, did we? Russia has been existing as a state since 1918. What do you mean by 300 years?

Some Ukrainians have favourable opinions about Russia because of its repressive propaganda machine. My parents are in their 60s, and they just now realised how delusional they were. It's hilarious that people who never lived under Russian oppression should fight not to become Russia again. Russia destroyed our culture and suppressed our language. Russia educated and corrupted our politicians, who led Ukraine (the second largest resource and nature-rich place in Europe) to a state of poverty. Some Ukrainians didn't realise that for a long time because they worked hard to survive and give a better life to their children.

Before the war, Ukraine was one of the most liberal countries in Eastern Europe, despite all the problems.

Don't mix Russian with Romanian or Hungarian. Why Ukrainian taxpayers should spend money on educating their citizens in foreign language? It's absolutely fine for them to use their native language but know Ukrainian to live in this society. Majority of them can't even speak Ukrainian and they leave to Romania/Hungary anyway.

In terms of Russian, why I cannot speak Ukrainian in Russia then? I think it's fair enough to make it mutual.

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Competitive_Art_4480@reddit

Give over. Be real.

We do it in the UK... I assume you'll be advocating for this to change? Kids have Welsh and Irish schooling. Pretty sure they have Gaelic too.

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pussyseal@reddit

Lol, people in the UK and Ireland can speak English despite their schooling language. I'll not advocate because the context here is different.

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Competitive_Art_4480@reddit

That's actually not true for all Welsh people. A sizable number of Welsh people don't speak English at home or in their communities. Many kids have English as a second language some don't go to English school ever. Many more have theienprimaru education in Welsh.

I actually see a lot of parallels between the Irish situation.

Northern Ireland is like crimea in a lot of ways. Its the "colonised" siding with the coloniser through economic and Ethnic/linguistic ties.

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pussyseal@reddit

Ethically Crimea is not even close to Russia or Ukraine. The Crimean Tatars are the indigenous people of Crimea. Russia intentionally deported them from Crimea.

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nightm4re_boy@reddit

my grandparents hosted a ukrainian family - mom, dad, two kids (one teen, one tween). they live up north in a little village in butt fuck nowhere.

the dad was REALLY good at cooking, now works as a cook at one of the local pubs. not sure about the mom. kids go to one of the local schools, nice polite kids from what i’ve heard.

my grandparents helped them get a car, and managed to get a pretty good deal on it, got one for less than a grand. some guy overheard my grandma talking about getting a car and was like “oh i’m about to scrap my car for £200, it needs some repairs and MOT, you can check it out and if you want it i’ll give it to you for £200” - car had pretty much nothing wrong with it lol.

i couldn’t get time off the year before last but my parents and siblings did christmas with our grandparents and the ukrainian family and apparently it was lovely.

Takes 2 to tangle you know. You think she was batting him away the entire time? Both states can be true at once.

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Due-Disk7630@reddit

what?

if i love someone, no one can 'batting' me into sleep with someone else. it only shows his character. since HE was in a relationship and not her. but nice try.

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Ok-Importance-6815@reddit

Yeah he was a scumbag, she deliberately encouraged a man to leave his wife, they are both guilty of adultery

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ExpendableUnit123@reddit

Who said anything about forcing?

If he flirts with her knowing he’s married, and she flirts with him, knowing he’s married, how is it only one person to blame?

I’d say nice try but you’re clearly not getting such a simple concept.

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Due-Disk7630@reddit

yes, it is a simple concept. and you are shifting responsibility. she is free and can do whatever she wants. even walk around naked. but if he is in a relationship. then it is he, and only he is to blame, that he cheated on his wife/girlfriend.

first of all, i didnt downvote you. and secondly, why are you creating imaginary scenario, when we have current scenario that actually happened?! husband is a cheater and responsible for a cheating. the end.

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0nce-Was-N0t@reddit

And woman who was invited into the home by a couple, stayed with them, was fed by them, engaged with the wife and children has nothing to do with it at all?

Fair enough, we will have to agree to disagree on it :-)

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DoubleXFemale@reddit

I’m from the Channel Islands where there is strict local vs non-local housing regulations and yeah… Eastern European women pursuing desperate local men to get a local housing licence and more money to send back home is definitely a thing.

It’s as much the guy’s fault, if it seems too good to be true then it usually is.

I mean that explains but doesn't justify it. It was nevertheless still a pretty asperous thing to be confronted by when you are opening your home to refugees. As much as we try and be understanding, it definitely impacted our friend's and ours view of Ukrainians. Like they had the kindness to open their home, only to told their biology is an immoral choice, twice and that this was a threat to a persons children. Was rough.

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My parents did it, it was quite stressful form them, I think they thought they would be more involved in their lives than they ended up being. The mother and son have moved out now (their choice) and got a place of their own.

We hosted about 6 months, they're doing well I think! We usually just see them on christmas day now because we have a very busy life and they both work every hour god sends!

My in laws are still hosting, it works really well for them because they're getting quite frail and this lady is in her 40s and looks after them a bit.

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TheRevJimJones@reddit

We’ve hosted for over 2 1/2 years now. Initially a mother and two daughters (16 and 9 when they first arrived). Her eldest daughter had to stay in Ukraine as she worked for the police. They were from Kryvii Rih in central Ukraine.

Getting the visas initially was a long drawn-out process. They had fled to Berlin when the war started and were staying in a woman’s spare room (the three of them and their cat!). They were clearly overstaying their welcome and may have been made homeless if their visa had not come through.

None had ever left the country before. None knew a word of English. They have struggled with the language ever since arriving despite mum going to college and the kids at school.

The youngest daughter is now best friends with our daughter (who is two years younger). They communicate in a kind of English/Ukrainian creole which they have perfected over the past two years and no one else can understand!

The dad arrived around a year ago after he received a medical exemption. They all live in an annexe in our garden. He has struggled with how things work in the UK - I think he finds everything bureaucratic and can’t understand all the rules and laws (spoken and unspoken) that we have. He was an HGV driver, but his licence was not recognised in the UK so he has had to try to retrain, but has found it difficult and expensive to get his CAT C+E (especially due to the language) so he has not been able to work. Mum has worked part-time as a cleaner since she got here, but was a crane driver back home and would dearly like to do this again but again can’t with her lack of English.

My parents are in Poland and took in a young family, it's been two years and they run a honey business and are very successful. They moved out as soon as they had the money, they didn't claim any financial support as the husband worked as a plumber straight away while the lady stayed home with their little one. They're very settled and lovely people, they invite my parents over to their new home constantly for meals together and it's nice because both of my parents are in their late 60s

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Opening-Worker-3075@reddit

We hosted a teenage couple.

They now have their own place.

Its not been easy, it was very stressful at times.

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gardenofeden123@reddit

Very brave of you to take a teenage couple!

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Strange, isn't it, but I was wondering how many of those claiming on here that they took Ukrainians into their homes would also take in other refugees, e.g. those arriving in boats across the Channel?

Happily married for 2 years!

Ex-wife was far too plain looking.

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AskUK-ModTeam@reddit

A top level comment (one that is not a reply) should be a good faith and genuine attempt to answer the question.

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YammyStoob@reddit

We didn't host but we rent a one bed flat through the local council and asked specifically to help Ukranians. We now have a 67 year old grandmother who left Ukraine two weeks before the invasion to stay with her daughter who has lived here for years. Her house was well within the now occupied zone and has gone, the village almost destroyed and she's lost pretty much everything.

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critterwol@reddit

It's so sad to see those traditional ways of life just erased. I imagine some ppl will drift back after the way but it's hard to get established in those remote, poor regions.

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honeydot@reddit

My parents are still hosting an adult lady and her mother (30s and 70s) and their friend and child (30s and young teen). They've made themselves very comfortable and have no intention of going anywhere. My parents are somewhat pushovers and have let them take over the house, its a real shame because only the grandmother is particularly pleasant company and the others are generally rude and standoffish - rolling their eyes when my parents talk to them, etc. I'd really like for them to be able to have their house back and for us to go over and visit without being watched by rather hostile strangers (because even two years later they still are essentially strangers). One of the women doesn't work because she's getting whatever benefits the state is giving her, which allows her a lovely foreign holiday every few months with Ukranian friends while paying no rent and apparently having no intention of leaving.

I am sympathetic to them having to leave a war torn country, but frankly they are cuckoos in the nest and I want them to leave. My siblings and I miss visiting our childhood home and having it feel like our home, rather than a B&B filled with sullen strangers.

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Planet-thanet@reddit

If you dont already, it might be an idea to spend more time at your parents, it sounds like there could be more going on

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honeydot@reddit

I live on the same street, so I'm there often. My parents aren't what I would consider vulnerable (recently retired, well off) but my mum has decided that she is doing some act of supreme philanthropy and so won't hear a word said against their "lovely guests", and my dad does what my mum tells him to do. Ultimately their generosity is being taken advantage of and they're blind to it, but nothing truly nefarious is afoot, they're just giving a free ride to some opportunistic twits while their own children are given the "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" pep talk regularly.

I told you my agenda, what’s yours?

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No it won’t do. That’s my opinion. Please state where I have claimed to be an authority.

And please share your agenda (if you know what it is).

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GlueSniffingEnabler@reddit

Your previous comment to this one claimed I had said I am an authority. Now you’ve changed it. It’s clear to everyone following here you’re the one with an agenda. And you still refuse to state what it is.

I have been giving my opinion based on what I e read over the years from various sources. It’s clearly more informed and influential than your opinion. That’s no accident. Critical thinking is hard work.

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Phat-Lines@reddit

You know healthy scepticism doesn’t mean blindly rejecting any and all studies that aren’t from your Uncle Kev and Facebook.

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bl4h101bl4h@reddit

No, healthy scepticism means healthy scepticism.

Where's the ambiguity?

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I absolutely agree with that. I'm not trying to advocate for doing away with proper data collection and analysis. Just that sometimes a finger in the air, or asking people for anecdotal evidence actually is enough for some purposes. You won't make any decisions with important implications based on that, but you can then decide to see which way the windsock would be pointing on a certain subject.

Anecdotally, most people seem to hate our staff intranet. Statistical evidence shows that it works.

With that, I bid you a good day as work beckons. :)

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GlueSniffingEnabler@reddit

Well of course in general there might be a time for a finger in the air. But even then, without realising it you’re thinking statistically. You’re making a decision based on a representative sample.

And finally, who does your intranet work for though? ;) Someone needs to ask more specific questions. Have a good day at work.

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mark-smallboy@reddit

At least you know they'll actually have had a refugee, I honestly just doubt any comment I read is true these days, 100% one of these comments will be completely made up

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Radiant_Peachyy@reddit

A

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TheMightyKoosh@reddit

My parents hosted mum, teenage son and dog. Dad joined a few months later. The mum kept making a traditional soup that my parents ate but did not enjoy. When the dad arrived he told them nobody in Ukraine liked the soup and he didn't know why his wife did. Just four people politely eating soup.

Specialist_Leg_650@reddit

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First-Lengthiness-16@reddit

That's my thinking.

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We started hosting a mum and her 2 teenage kids starting May 2023. Both kids speak English really well because their parents had the foresight to send them to English lessons growing up. Both parents don’t speak English, but mum has been attending council-provided English and Maths lessons diligently. We can see she’s making progress and even attempting to speak English with us.

Both kids are bright and sporty. The older daughter just started 6th form after having initially missed the deadline for 6th form enrolment. Both kids still attend Ukrainian online school in addition to their schools in the U.K.. We have also come to learn how difficult it was for them to live in Kyiv prior to leaving the country, and what a leap of faith it must have been to decide to leave their dad behind.

They didn’t take too long to settle in, although it amused us to see they go out every weekend to all the free entry museums in the first few months . We have 2 kids younger than them, and they all get along well. I can see the mum’s eyes smiling whenever my youngest boy interacts with them. The kids would play board games or video games together, and have movie nights together on some weekends.

They have started to make a Sunday morning breakfast ritual so all of us can have a meal together and share our stories. They make these Ukrainian pancakes (Syrniki?) and crepes that go very well with Greek yogurt and homemade jams that get sent from their grand parents in Ukraine. We share our cooked food occasionally and go to cinema together and talk about school and life.

Only niggle is needing to remind them on occasions not to slam doors when they leave the house or room, and some household rules like sorting recycling rubbish etc

All in all, pleasant family and we are lucky to have them, compared to some other stories shared here.

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Misselphabathropp@reddit

A friend hosted a Mum and her baby for ages. Dad couldn’t leave Ukraine as he was conscripted. Mum and baby ended up leaving to go home to Ukraine (icr the city) because Dad was having an affair and she wanted to save the marriage. Their flat was unhabitable and there were ieds all over the block of flats. My friend lives in a very nice London borough and I imagine if they’d have stayed, they may been able to get a social housing property. Imagine leaving the security of that to fly home to save your marriage to your dick head husband? Fuck him.

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GiraffeAndPenguin@reddit

I know someone who hosted a woman, is now in a relationship with her and he now.effectobely gets paid by the government to live with his girlfriend.

She is well settled though and has a job, etc

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th_ckers@reddit

He needs to be careful. Since 1st October its illegal to claim the host payments if they are in a close relationship with their guest. He may want to report that to the council before they find out and slap him with a back dated charge.

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cactusdan94@reddit

Not to be that guy, but how tf would the council prove they are in a relationship?

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th_ckers@reddit

Valid question to ask. Difficult to prove, but tools at their disposal, such as checking if a joint Universal Credit claim has been made, have they registered for ctax at the address etx, and simply asking questions during welfare visits. Considering it could jeopardise their application for the Ukraine Permission Extension scheme, most are forthcoming when asked the question

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ValFarron@reddit

Miserable. I thought I knew what 'feeling of entitlement' means but I truly learnt the definition of the phrase when I hosted the family. Shocking experience, and speaking to my friends and acquaintances I learnt they were in a similar boat. Got to the point I asked them to leave. Never again!

I'm actually surprised, this sub is the first place I've seen people say it's going well. I've only ever heard bad stuff myself.

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manic47@reddit

We've had two families stay with us, each for around a year and didn't really have a problem.

The first mum had depression (not surprisingly) and refused to seek help which wasn't ideal - but the second family were great. Her and her son have a house in the next road with her British boyfriend and we still meet and go out with them a lot.

I've dealt with probably 60 or more Ukrainians via our charity - and the vast majority seem absolutely fine and grateful for what they have here. We ended up funding a support worker to help them with paperwork, UC claims, dealing with agencies etc.

I've heard more horror stories about the hosts than the guests I think, but two of the young women who came here were an absolute nightmare - luckily they moved on really quickly.

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AFudge@reddit

I'm on my second refugee.

The first was connected with me via the local homes for Ukraine scheme. I took one brother (about 18 years old) and another family in the city took the other.

He mostly stayed in his room drinking, smoking outside or meeting up with his brother in the city. He only stayed for a month before moving up London with his brother (and another who we didn't know about) for work. It sounds negative as I didn't really see much of him, but he cleaned out the room before he left and was no hassle. Had no contact since.

The second refugee who is still with me was connected to me through Facebook. I posted on someone's advert that I might have a room available as they had similar interests. His aunt very quickly sent me a message, who is currently living with a family in the UK. They had failed to find a host nearby but desperately wanted the nephew to reach the UK.

Ultimately I accepted the request, then discovered my dad has cancer and lost my job, so it's been a rough time for me. He's been a light however since he arrived.

First thing he commented was how much he loves the city as there's things going on (I live in Coventry, it's the butt of many jokes so it was nice to see someone appreciate it). He then got excited walking the canal as he saw swans, ducks and a squirrel.

We invited him to the pub with some friends and his face lit up where he opened up on his situation in Ukraine and that his mother doesn't want to leave. When they call eachother he can often hear explosions in the distance sadly.

He was put in touch with the universal credit team and he was getting annoyed with the suggestions he needs x amount of English lessons and he's entitled to x,y,z benefits, he just really wanted a job. He went out and with some CV help got one within weeks of being here. His only concern was disturbing me as he gets in late, again sweet that he was concerned about it.

Given the lack of job I'd obviously have been better off finding a lodger, but I'm very glad to have given him a chance.

At one of the career fairs I've been to I've started talking to the foster teams. I think hosting refugees has started to lead me down that path.

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Iceman_2004@reddit

Yes, my grandmother and cousin for a year. Went ok I think, was the first time in my life really that I had some sort of extended family (always just been me and my mum) though my mum and grandmother have (and always had tbh) a rocky relationship so sometimes things could boil over a bit. They live in their own place now, my aunt moved here not too long ago as well. Still get together for events like birthdays and stuff.

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drakesdrum@reddit

I used to live in Ukraine so when the full scale invasion broke out I hosted friends with their kids until they went back to thr western part. Different situation because I knew them, but it was fine. It was tricky with kids as getting a place in schools wasn't easy and they didn't know much English, so for her to work when the kids are always knocking about wasn't easy, so she was more reliant on hand outs than she wanted to be.

Nice to see positive experiences.

Personal opinion, why should we (the tax payers) have to send billions of pounds to Ukraine? On top of that house them and feed them? We have our own poor. The country and economy is crumbling.

Also, immigrants have been frowned upon what’s changed with Ukrainians? Is it because they are blonde and blued eyed people? Ukraine has a lot of neo Nazis. The British hate immigrants from common wealth who fought the Nazis but seem to get a boner over blonde hair blue eyes immigrants

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ukbot-nicolabot@reddit

A top level comment (one that is not a reply) should be a good faith and genuine attempt to answer the question

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fundytech@reddit

The only person I know that hosted one was a young lady that hosted another young lady. However, when she found out her boyfriend was a black guy she flipped her shit and refused to live there.

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very_unconsciously@reddit

Yes - we originally had a mother and son stay. They were great, but they quickly moved into their own place as they had means to do so. We thought about accepting someone else, but didn't as we liked privacy. But the local bods had a young woman who had been very badly treated by her hosts, so we agreed. She's amazing, now part of the family and great to have around. She was planning a family, but has lost her husband and home to the war. She fled Ukraine the as the bombs were dropping around her, and you can still see the effect.

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MS101110@reddit

Just shows how easier is life if you a woman. Move to a nice country, get housed and some even meet a new partner that will help you out.

SerendipitousCrow@reddit

A past colleague took in a single lady in her 30s as she had a sort of annex in her garden with a bedroom and bathroom. They each had their own space and she'd come up the garden each evening and they'd have dinner together

She got a job in a local pub and met someone and over time moved to her own flat

They stayed friends and she still pops in for dinner now and then

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Mistabushi_HLL@reddit

My pals(couple with kids) hosted two women, is it still ongoing? Don’t think so based on what I heard.

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Zacsquidgy@reddit

My in-laws did, got on the scheme really early and had them for about a year, family of four (mother, father, child and grandmother). They're still in the UK but moved to the West Country to pursue better job opportunities (the father had electronic engineering experience) and the only employment available to him here (East Anglia) was in fruit picking.

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