thinking about quitting flying
Posted by Appropriate-Test-48@reddit | flying | View on Reddit | 46 comments
hi, i’m a 19 yo F, who has my PPL check ride in 2 weeks. last sunday was my checkride, but we had to cancel the flying portion due to wind. i did the oral, absolutely dog shitted it. i did so fucking bad and the DPE was just making me feel worse. i had done 2 mock check rides and did well on the last one.
since last sunday i’ve seriously been doubting myself & wondering why i ever got into this in the first place. i think it would be a lot easier for me to quit if i wasn’t a Ray Aviation Scholar … i was given $9,000 to get my license & now i really just want to stop. my whole life i’ve wanted to go to mortuary school and become a funeral director & embalmer, but for some reason i decided i was going to be a pilot. on one hand i want to quit so they can give the rest of my money to someone else who actually wants it, but i also don’t want to quit BECAUSE of all this money they gave me and of how far i’ve already come. i’d feel like the worst person in the world if all that money was just wasted on me.
i’ve got a pretty major anxiety disorder (whatever make fun of me), and it’s been so damn bad recently just thinking about flying and redoing my checkride is making me fucking nauseous & sweaty & feel like i’m about to faint.
i think deep down i always knew aviation wasn’t where i was supposed to end up, but genuinely i don’t know what to do and i’m so damn tired of thinking about it.
AQuebecJoke@reddit
Maybe take a break? Don’t rush into that big of a decision, you might just be burnt out and don’t realize it. Take a 2 week break, relax, do things that you love and when you comeback you’ll have a much better idea of the de decision you should make.
vyqz@reddit
use the sportys study buddy private pilot app to hit yourself with some flash cards. watch this, and other oral exams on YouTube. https://youtu.be/kr483zBbQKw?si=2ipsjGJ_sZtI7v3w
PsuPepperoni@reddit
Please don't let one bad day make you give up. I know that feeling and I know it will make you feel so good to get past it.
You may still decide one day that flying isn't for you, but check rides are shit and you can't let them break you. There's going to be a whole lot of amazing days after the shit day.
retrotechguy@reddit
You are so close to PPL, power through and get it. You’ll regret it if you don’t. You can still be a funeral director with a PPL.
Av8tr1@reddit
So you have just run a marathon and gotten all the way to the check ride and you want to quit within feet of the finish line. Do I have that right?
Getting this far is a major accomplishment. Something like 75% of the people who start taking lessons don't get this far. Your instructor would not have put you up for the check ride if they did not feel you were ready. And you proved it by passing your oral. You are halfway through the check ride! All you have to do is go out and fly it.
The DPEs job is to find gaps in your knowledge. You are going to feel like shit afterwards, and during and before. You didn't dog shit it, you passed it.
But the point is you already passed that part. Don't quit now. Put your cowgirl panties on and knock that fuckers socks off in the plane.
You know what you are doing. You wouldn't have gotten this far if you didn't. You are being too hard on yourself. Stop it.
One thing I often see if some flight schools and instructors turn this into military flight school training. They take all the fun out of it. They kill the passion like people in a bad relationship. So at one point you had a real passion for this. You loved doing this and couldn't wait to get out to the airport. Your flight school and instructor probably turned it into a grind and a chore.
Thats not what flying is. Its about sitting above the clouds. Its about doing something magical. Its not rocket surgery. Its like driving a car but you add an extra dimension.
Trust me there are far worse pilots out there than you and some of them are captains at legacy airlines. You got this. Don't give up now.
Once you get over this check ride, go out and have some fun with your newfound freedom. You'll likely get the passion back.
If you are questioning your knowledge get with an instructor and practice the maneuvers. Teach the checkride to someone to keep yourself fresh. You know how to do this. You need to prove it to yourself. If you don't you will forever regret not finishing so close to the finish line.
If you want someone to do review with drop me a DM. I am off this week. I am a CFI/CFII and would be happy to spend some time over Zoom or something getting you ready.
Mattyice199415@reddit
OP mentioned in another comment they did not pass the oral
zealous-wolf@reddit
Well, here I come with the negative Karma.
Looks like you already have it figured out. Aviation is not for everyone. Quite the contrary, it's only for the few. You know what? That's okay. I know nothing of it, but I'm certain being a mortician requires qualities I do not possess. I'm certain I'd flip my rocker. Furthermore, anxiety and aviation don't mix well.
I don't think you're looking at this from the most beneficial perspective. Someone gave you a bunch of money; do not burden yourself with that. You must take care of yourself first. If this is not the path you want, say "thank you," and return what you can. It doesn't make you a quitter, it makes you normal. I've had many students that were pursuing training for someone else, instead of themselves. Most of them went obscenely over time and over budget.
Do what you want to do. Take care of yourself.. It's your trip around the sun. It's also too early to try putting yourself in a box; you're nineteen.
Good Luck. Let us know what you decide.
AssEatingCfiReturns@reddit
I have anxiety too. You need to learn to take breaths. Don't let it overwhelm you. You made it through the oral. You're doing good. Get the flight done then take a small break. Recover from the burnout and then go for instrument. It's a bit tougher for us but you need to roll with it. Because even if you pursue something else, whether it be a career as a doctor, lawyer or hell, even a grocery store worker.... You're going to experience the same thing ...
Do it in something you love. God bless
poser765@reddit
So I’ve been flying for a bit more than 20 years. Ive got like 8000 hours. I still occasionally fly with someone that makes me feel like I have no business doing this.
Confidence goes a long way. Act like you belong and the rest will follow.
Sinorm@reddit
Don't stop here, at least get your PPL. Your private license is good for life, don't quit right before your checkride. You can re-evaluation what you want to do with your life after you have your PPL, but don't stop before that since you are so close. It will be way harder and more expensive to pick it back up in the future if you stop now.
No_Diver_2133@reddit
You’re telling someone with major anxiety disorder to keep going? Love reddit. What she needs to do is prioritize her health and go after her real passions in life. Sunk cost fallacy and all that.
mkosmo@reddit
Yeah, I’d be curious about that given how many anxiety conditions are medical DQ.
No_Diver_2133@reddit
She didn’t report it and probably isn’t on meds for it but she’s self aware and recognized its an issue. She definitely needs to fix that before considering flying. The hive-mind mentality of telling her to “Just finish you can do it!!” isn’t helping her and is dangerous. IMSAFE anyone?
Appropriate-Test-48@reddit (OP)
Yeah, I’m not on any medication and never have been. I’ve never really had any anxiety about flying, it’s really just this whole checkride/future thing.
mkosmo@reddit
It’s not that. It’s that you said in the OP that you’ve got a “pretty major anxiety disorder”
poser765@reddit
In context of the rest of the post I just figured she was using “major anxiety disorder” very colloquially to signify a pretty casual, self diagnosed case of “I get nervous about shit. The state of her medical fitness is between her and her AME.
Vortamock@reddit
You get to spend your time once. Spend it wisely, not forcing yourself to do something you don't want to do.
You could still learn and fly. If you think you'd ever regret backing out, then keep pushing forward. That scholarship is a golden opportunity that few people get, but if it isn't really what you want to do you can have a great career as a funeral director.
kevincaz07@reddit
I started training in 2019 after thinking I may pursue aviation as a career, as I was super unhappy with my current job/industry. Then COVID happened and I also landed a role that I was much happier with. In my case, I decided to finish up what I had started after a 3 month break. I got my PPL in August 2020, then joined a flight club, flew a bit, and then other things got in the way, kids, life in general. In that moment it kind of felt like I had wasted all that time and money training. I almost ended up leaving the club at one point. I had flown 10 times in 2 years, really only to maintain some semblance of currency.
But now my job is changing and I'm finding myself more drawn to flying again. It's one of those weird things I'm learning I can always fall back on, and I'm grateful for how hard I pushed myself years ago. Next up for me is easing into IFR.
My point being - I'm happy to have that first PPL phase complete as life moves on, whether I end up pursuing the career aspect more or it staying a hobby I can use to clear my mind from all of the other crap in my life. And even without that PPL, you still have the knowledge and skills from your training and that's not wasted if you want to come back at some point. At 99% of the way there - I couldn't help but push through and try, but it's not a waste either way.
Dry-Horror-4188@reddit
I was 17 when I got my PPL. Flying was a passion and a dream that I wanted, however, I was going through my training and I came home and told my older brother that I was thinking about hanging it up. He told me to stick with it, it gets better. I did and was able to continue. Don't let the DPE get after you, study hard, know your stuff. Another story, when I went for my IR about 17 years ago, my oral didn't go as well as I thought. At this time I had more than 25 years flying experience, I thought I knew my stuff, but was shocked when my DPE started asking basic questions I had forgotten and failed on. Luck worked in my favor as he used it as a learning experience.
A student pilot certificate, a private pilot certificate, and Instrument Rating, a Commercial Rating are all licenses to learn. Hang in there, don't beat yourself up. Gather knowledge, and enjoy. There is no greater freedom than flying a plane, by yourself, cross country, looking at our fantastic geography, and speaking a language of ATC. Enjoy!
NuttPunch@reddit
He made you feel bad about the Oral yet you passed the oral? Am I reading the right? There is no “doing bad.” Just pass or fail. You passed the oral, you did fine. Relax
Appropriate-Test-48@reddit (OP)
no, sorry. my dpe made me feel like an idiot the whole time which really worsened my performance last sunday. i did well on my mock oral, though.
give_me_more_monez@reddit
Welcome to aviation, examiners have a special ability sometimes of almost enjoying making you feel like an idiot. It’s a common trait that I’ve grown to deal with in this industry for over 10 years so far. I have no idea, but aviation breeds a special type of asshole sometimes, maybe it’s other industry’s too… it’s just something you have to deal with in this industry (or life in general) sometimes…
NuttPunch@reddit
Did you pass the oral?
Appropriate-Test-48@reddit (OP)
No. Gotta redo the whole checkride in 2 weeks. Sorry, I wasn’t clear!!!
NorsegodofMX@reddit
So the DPE specifically said you failed the oral?
No_Diver_2133@reddit
Sounds like the oral was a fail and she’s retesting. The anxiety disorder thing is what I am concerned about, she should really look after herself first and think about flying second.
NuttPunch@reddit
She said she canceled the flying portion due to wind.
No_Diver_2133@reddit
I don’t know, what she’s saying and how she’s writing it makes me doubt it. They may have canceled the flight due to wind but the oral still sounds like a bust. Just poorly worded.
pscan40@reddit
You should finish the PPL because you’ve gotten this far and you’ll have the license for life. Take a break and decide later if you want to continue
Mr-Plop@reddit
Tbh, at two weeks away I'd push on. What if you eventually decide to come back to it? You'd have to start from almost zero.
Good-Cardiologist121@reddit
So did you not fly due to wind or because you failed the oral?
Appropriate-Test-48@reddit (OP)
We didn’t fly because of the wind
Good-Cardiologist121@reddit
Then you passed the oral.
Pleasureun1t@reddit
DPEs will always make you feel dumb. Most of us have been there where it’s like why am I doing this, this is ass. Best advice I ever got was:
Step 1: unfuck yourself Step 2: repeat as necessary
cazzipropri@reddit
Nobody will ever make fun of your anxiety here. In fact, be very cautions with whom you share that you have an anxiety disorder, and if you haven't been diagnosed and medicated yet, stop and check, as a diagnosis could be medically disqualifying.
You are 19. You are extremely young. Nobody probably taught you how to study properly. A lot of people who do well in the oral are people who had more college experience and, for lack of a better term, "know how to study and how to test". Don't beat yourself up. It's hard to have to learn in one shot what other people had years to learn.
Pleasureun1t@reddit
Most of us have been there. My favorite piece of advice I always give when faced with what seems to be just an uphill shitty situation is:
flyingtroll69@reddit
Please do not display resignation like this in the air
HeadAche2012@reddit
I’d finish the PPL at least, that way you can pick it up again without much loss later
Puravida1904@reddit
You’re SO close keep going and finish that PPL. Even if you just choose to fly as a hobby, don’t stop now and regret it. Same thing happened with me during my check ride… it really takes the fun out of flying but the feeling when you pass is so worth it. Some of my favourite moments flying has been renting a plane solo after getting my PPL and being free to go explore different airports on longer cross countries.
Choconilla@reddit
Sorry, I hate to be a dick, plenty of good advice for OP’s question; why do kids these days have an aversion to capital letters?
Appropriate-Test-48@reddit (OP)
😂😂😂 my auto caps are on, I just wrote that on my ipad!
RaiseTheDed@reddit
I had a shitty DPE once for my PPL. Dude made me feel like I was an inadequate idiot. Dude was constantly yelling and criticizing. The shit he had on the debrief was mostly stuff he just had an issue with, but not against the (then) PTS. Like legit screaming. He passed me, but man, what a terrible first experience for a checkride. Fucked me up on future checkrides too, honestly.
You're not an idiot or anything if you passed the oral. I'd recommend finishing your PPL, just so you can stick it to that asshole DPE, but if you don't want to continue, that's ok. It's not a failure, you're just growing. I don't think of people worse or less because they don't want to fly anymore. Letting go of something that you've been working hard on isn't a failure, because it takes strength to do so.
Do what your heart desires.
josh--sacto@reddit
It’s really up to you and whether or not you want to make this your life. If you want to be an embalmer, hey, great! If you want to be a pilot, go for it.
Anxiety sucks, but I’ve viewed it as a way to make me a better person as I’ve pushed through my aviation journey. I almost quit after my instrument checkride failure, but now, as a commercial student, I’m loving flying more than I ever have. I worked heavily after my checkride failure to evaluate why I was getting stuck in my head, and ended up taking up diaphragmatic breathing, which has done wonders for my ability to fly. I feel way more present in the airplane and way more able to handle things as they come. Will I ever get to a legacy airline like I originally dreamed? That’d be nice, but that’s not really the point for me anymore and I can’t say I think about it too much. I just love getting to become better and better at this everyday.
That being said, you’re 19, and I know that the experiences I’ve had in my twenties have been so formative in my aviation journey. It’s okay to be young, travel the world, etc. You don’t need to have life figured out right now and be a salaried employee by the time you’re 21. There’s no shame in taking time to just grow as a person (like a gap year, etc.).
From talking to my female colleagues, I hear it can be especially rough for women in this male dominated environment. Just know that you’re not alone in this.
Also, be careful about trawling Reddit. There’s many people on here who will try to make others think that a checkride failure means you should just give it up now. Anecdotally, I know of people at legacies who disprove this.
Last note: I went into my private checkride convinced I was going to fail. I passed with the instructor commenting that they weren’t used to seeing such good piloting skills from privates. If I can go in to that experience so terrified and come out the other end, there’s no reason you can’t.
No_Diver_2133@reddit
Prioritize your health and go after your real passions in life. Do not feel pressured to continue because of a scholarship, they did not give you money to obtain a PPL, they gave you money to try to obtain one. Realistically, it sounds like you would not fly enough post PPL to maintain any semblance of proficiency, which would be dangerous for you. It’s not a shame to say “Hey you know what, I tried this out, it really wasn’t for me”.
PackedJungle@reddit
This is just my take on it but if aviation isn’t what you want to do then why do it? Don’t feel bad and keep on going just because you got a scholarship for it. If you really want to become a pilot tho then absolutely keep on working at it, don’t be discouraged because of a Checkride failure. I’m 19 also and had a Checkride failure on my IFR oral aswell and keep at it and passed the second try! Do what you want to do and keep at it!
rFlyingTower@reddit
This is a copy of the original post body for posterity:
hi, i’m a 19 yo F, who has my PPL check ride in 2 weeks. last sunday was my checkride, but we had to cancel the flying portion due to wind. i did the oral, absolutely dog shitted it. i did so fucking bad and the DPE was just making me feel worse. i had done 2 mock check rides and did well on the last one.
since last sunday i’ve seriously been doubting myself & wondering why i ever got into this in the first place. i think it would be a lot easier for me to quit if i wasn’t a Ray Aviation Scholar … i was given $9,000 to get my license & now i really just want to stop. my whole life i’ve wanted to go to mortuary school and become a funeral director & embalmer, but for some reason i decided i was going to be a pilot. on one hand i want to quit so they can give the rest of my money to someone else who actually wants it, but i also don’t want to quit BECAUSE of all this money they gave me and of how far i’ve already come. i’d feel like the worst person in the world if all that money was just wasted on me.
i’ve got a pretty major anxiety disorder (whatever make fun of me), and it’s been so damn bad recently just thinking about flying and redoing my checkride is making me fucking nauseous & sweaty & feel like i’m about to faint.
i think deep down i always knew aviation wasn’t where i was supposed to end up, but genuinely i don’t know what to do and i’m so damn tired of thinking about it.
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